#644

Scared the postman today by going to the door naked.
I’m not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

#864

I’m having an introvert party and you’re all not invited.

#871

What did the bra say to the hat?
You go on a head Iโ€™m gonna give these two a lift

#333

My wife just broke up with me for talking about video games too much, what a stupid thing to Fallout 4

#685

“I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

#220

My mate had a terrible accident a while ago. He fell into an Upholstering Machine.

He’s fully recovered now though.

#450

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

#153

I stayed up all night to find out where the sun went, then it dawned on me…

#42

What do you call a woman with a toothpick up her butt?
Olive

#222

The police came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5 . I told them pre school.

#331

I bought a dog off a blacksmith today.
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

#456

My boss told me I intimidate my coworkers so I just stared at him until he apologised

#139

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.

#190

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I donโ€™t know, and I donโ€™t care.

#374

Why don’t flies go to church?
Because they’re in sects

#695

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up

#101

The funeral for the man who invented Chinese whispers will be held on Monday. Pass it on.

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