Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

Can a woman make you a millionaire?
Yes, if you’re a billionaire

What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
Synonym rolls

Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realised he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.

It puzzles me that a bra is singular and panties are plural.

It’s Jamaican hair style day at work tomorrow. I’m already dreading it.

I used to be a carpenter until I accidentally sat on my hammer, now I have hammeroids.

Care to seduce a large woman?
Piece of cake!

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny..

I hate gravity, it always gets me down

When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras.
I still have flashbacks

What is Bruce Lee’s favourite drink? Wataaaaahh!

Currently the flower business is blooming.

Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reckons I am dishlexic.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain

What do pimps and farmers have in common? They both need a hoe to stay in business

Don’t fart in an apple store, there’s no windows!

There are 2 rules for success:
1. Don’t tell all you know.