#95

Your mum is so mean, she has no standard deviation
πŸ€“

#105

If you’re here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.

#154

I have a fear of speed bumps. Im slowly getting over it

#634

I imagine a handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.

#193

What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag is a big plus

#888

I miss my umbilical cord. Must have grown attached to it

#398

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One’s a crusty bus station and the other a busty crustacean

#346

My wife says I’m too impulsive. But what the hell does she know? She only met me yesterday.

#891

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates.

#493

I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment. It’s a whisk I was willing to take.

#707

I poured root beer into a square glass.
Now I just have beer

#22

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up

#741

What does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles

#745

I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

#570

Give a Nigerian a fish he’ll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he’ll become a prince and start e-mailing people

#290

What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg? Hop in.

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