Your mum is so mean, she has no standard deviation


If you’re here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.


I have a fear of speed bumps. Im slowly getting over it


I imagine a handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.


What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag is a big plus


I miss my umbilical cord. Must have grown attached to it


What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One’s a crusty bus station and the other a busty crustacean


My wife says I’m too impulsive. But what the hell does she know? She only met me yesterday.


Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates.


I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment. It’s a whisk I was willing to take.


I poured root beer into a square glass.
Now I just have beer


Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up


What does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles


I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.


Give a Nigerian a fish he’ll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he’ll become a prince and start e-mailing people


What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg? Hop in.

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