My dad used to be a human cannonball in the circus. They’ve never found another man of his caliber

I was watching a marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’

Hedgehogs — why can’t they just share the hedge

Tennis players grunt too much when they play.
There’s no need for all that racquet

Yo mamma is so fat that when she sat on a laptop, the hardware turned into software!

Someone threw cheese at me.
Real mature!

PMS should just be called ovary-acting

A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don’t get it.

I don’t get people who stumble into mirrors. They need to watch themselves.

There’s a new shaver designed for dyslexics.
It’s the best thing since sliced beard.

I burnt My Hawaiian pizza today…

I should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature

What does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles

A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp. The police are looking into it.

Lazy People Fact #5812672793:
You were too lazy to read that number.

I’m pretty sober.
But I’m prettier drunk

This weight loss website wants me to accept cookies. Hmm…