#900
I was walking my dog through the cemetery when I saw a guy crouching behind a gravestone.
I said “Morning”. He said, “No, just having a sh**”.
I was walking my dog through the cemetery when I saw a guy crouching behind a gravestone.
I said “Morning”. He said, “No, just having a sh**”.
One of the elves left the North Pole to join a gang and sell drugs.
He’s a rebel without a Claus
What is the first thing Santa’s elves have to learn?
The Elfabet
Why did Santa’s helper get depressed?
He had low elf esteem
What do you call somebody with body and just a nose? Nobody nose!
I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.
Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
She had Bad Blood
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents
What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data
What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates.
A horse walks into a bar. Several patrons get up and leave as they recognise the potential danger in the situation
What do you call a gay milkman? A Dairy Queen
An old man threw out his hip.. What a waist
I miss my umbilical cord. Must have grown attached to it
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is”
What was Helen Keller’s favourite colour?
Velcro
If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable?
What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wasabi
What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.