What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.

We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon.

1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.

My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.

My annual performance review says I lack “passion & intensity”, guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.

The Lord of the Rings is basically about a group that spends nine hours returning jewellery

I thought I understood the meaning of “When Pigs Fly” but then… the swine flu.

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?

Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.
One yells to the other, ‘How do you get to the other side?’
The other blonde replies, ‘You are on the other side!’

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said ‘concentrate’.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do *not* read it!

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?

How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.

I had amnesia once – maybe twice.