Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house.

What part of your body likes to get frisky?
The naked eye

The invisible man and invisible woman had children… they weren’t much to look at

What’s it like being in a vacuum cleaner? It sucks

Why did the snowman smile?
Because the snowblower was coming

I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

Hung a picture up on the wall the other day. Nailed it.

This weight loss website wants me to accept cookies. Hmm…

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.

What’s the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse

My wifi has stopped working. Turns out our neighbours hadn’t paid the bill. Tightarses.

Our vet is great. If you take your dog in and you have pet insurance, they give you a courtesy dog for the day.

How Long is a Chinese man’s name.

No, it actually is.

At any given moment the urge to sing, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away. A whim away. A whim away.

My mate had a terrible accident a while ago. He fell into an Upholstering Machine.

He’s fully recovered now though.

I got banned from a secret cooking society for spilling the beans

A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp. The police are looking into it.

What do the movies titanic and the sixth sense have in common.
Icy dead people.