I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.


What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic


I really hate those people who knock at your door and tell you how you need to be ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’
Stupid firemen.


NSA Pickup Line #1:
Did you fall from heaven?
Because there’s no tracking data on how you arrived at this location


There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

Some people appreciate these kinds of jokes and some don’t – the division is clear.


My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.


My mate just got fired from the mint factory.
His wife went absolutely menthol


What do pimps and farmers have in common? They both need a hoe to stay in business


I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure


My wife told me to get our red headed son ready for school. So I beat him up and took his lunch money.


I’m great at multitasking.
I can waste time, be unproductive and procrastinate all at once!


What’s the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?


Lazy People Fact #5812672793:
You were too lazy to read that number.


Why did the butcher get dressed up?
He was going to the meatball


My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.

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