I can only tell you a bad chemistry joke because all the good ones Argon

What do pimps and farmers have in common? They both need a hoe to stay in business

What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.

I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!

What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny..

A man was admitted to hospital with a number of toy horses up his backside. His condition is now stable.

What do vegan dogs eat? Bark

Times New Roman walks into a bar. The barman says “Get out of here! We don’t serve your type.”

Do not argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I may not be getting lucky tonight, but I’m definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.

i thought i got a type a in blood test but it was actually a typ-o

Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realised he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.

I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs. He wasn’t happy

My wife says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. Well, she’s in for a shock!

When does a sandwich cook?
When it’s bakin lettuce and tomato

Today a girl said she recognized me from vegetarian club, but I’m sure I’ve never met herbivore.

A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don’t get it.