What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s butt?
A mechanic!


Frankly, auto correct, I’m getting tired of your shirt.


I imagine a handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.


There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.


I got a sext from a redhead: “I’m all alone. Come over. Bring protection.” I took SPF50.


Prison may be just one word. But to some, it’s a whole sentence.


A jumper cable walked into a bar, the bartender said “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”


I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. She couldn’t believe it when I rode pasta.


A horse walks into a bar, across the room, up the back wall, across the ceiling, down the front wall and then up to the bar. The bartender gives the horse a beer, he drinks it and leaves. A guy sitting at the bar looks perplexed and asks the bartender “Hey, what’s that all about?” The bartender replies, “Don’t take it personally, he never says ‘Hi’ to anyone.”


What do you call a bird who drinks too much?
An owlcoholic


I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.


I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.


My wife said that if I don’t get off my computer and do the dishes she’ll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she’s jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn


I asked my wife “What do you want me to do with this big roll of bubble wrap?”
She said “Just pop it in the corner”.
It took me 4 hours.


My boss told me I intimidate my coworkers so I just stared at him until he apologised


You used asbestos in that wall?
That was asbestos I could do.


Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever thought about your X and wondered Y?

Back to top