If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable?

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?
Let’s go play on our bikes

I asked my wife for “something Cuban” for my birthday, and she got me a Che Guevara shirt.

Clothes, but no cigar.

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t.

What’s the difference between voyeurs and thieves? Thieves snatch your watch.

I was playing Frisbee with my dog in the park today, but it didn’t go well.
I think I need to get a flatter dog.

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter ‘Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite’.

When I think of books, I touch my shelf.

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally!

I’d like to thank the girl with no sports bra who ran with me through the last few miles of yesterday’s marathon.

Your lack of support got me through

Blonde: “What does IDK mean?”

Brunette: “I don’t know.”

Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”

An English man, an Irish man and an Italian walk into a bar. The bartender says “is this a joke?”

My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.

it’s all fun and games until someone loses an i.

What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

An old man threw out his hip.. What a waist

My wife was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!”

“Doc, what’s wrong with my wife?” I asked.

“Nothing” he said. “She’s just having contractions.”

At breakfast this morning, my wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.

I almost choked on my #Brown.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.