I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

Broken Guitar for sale.
No strings attached

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints

Why don’t flies go to church?
Because they’re in sects

Where did Mary go after the explosion?
Everywhere

My dad suggested I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart

My dad said, always leave them wanting more.
Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.

The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy so he got out.

I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs. He wasn’t happy

I hate those stupid little Russian nesting dolls

they’re so full of themselves

Did you know that Snoop Dogg’s sister is a stripper?
She wears nothing but a g-string baby

Why do all of P-Diddy’s kids have nice hair?
Because Sean Combs

I gave Stevie wonder a cheese grater for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Anette

What part of your body likes to get frisky?
The naked eye

I’m in awe. My buddy just used a snail as a key to start up his sedan…

It made escargot.

What’s Michael Jackson’s favourite painting?
Sha-Mona Lisa

My jokes are still in alpha

Hopefully soon they’ll get beta

What does Kim Kardashian use to fix holes?

Sex tape