What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste

The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision

I can just see it now.

How Long is a Chinese man’s name.

No, it actually is.

Yeah, it was on Fry Day, I can’t believe they got killed for the halibut. No motive, someone should seas the culprit. I’m crabby bout it all

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

Did you hear about the murder at the fish shop the other day!!

2 fish got battered to death

Two soldiers are in a tank.
One looks at the other and says “BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB”

How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced?.

A buccaneer

Why dont blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

What did the remote say to the TV? You turn me on.

My wife says I’m immature. I told her to get out of my fort

My wife says I’m too impulsive. But what the hell does she know? She only met me yesterday.

Prison may be just one word. But to some, it’s a whole sentence.

Why don’t helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden..
The plot thickens.

A man who loves Sherlock Holmes novels and puns names his dog Furlock. One day, he takes his dog out to town with him and stops in a little boutique. He brings his dog in with him and tries on a shirt. To his dismay, it isn’t the right size. He looks at his dog and says “No fit, Furlock.“

I’m not passive aggressive. Unlike some people.

Face is a four letter word. But preface is a foreword letter.

At any given moment the urge to sing, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away. A whim away. A whim away.