A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

It’s been 2 days since I’ve had McDonald’s, I’m getting the shakes… and the fries.

What do you call a wandering caveman? A meanderthal.

Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? Because he was a fungi.

Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.

My cats gonna sh** when he sees his new litter box I got him for Christmas.

Yo mamma is so fat that when she sat on a laptop, the hardware turned into software!

If a blind woman tells you your penis is big, she’s probably just pulling your leg

I didn’t like my beard at first but then it grew on me.

This guy just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of his penis. Definitely won’t be shagging one of those again

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I got into a fight with my boner this morning. Don’t worry, I beat it single handedly

What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large

Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

Once I found out masturbating was an addiction, I just knew that I had no choice but to beat it.

Why do blonde girls walk in groups of odd numbers? Because they can’t even!

When I think of books, I touch my shelf.

What’s the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse

I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.