Let’s hope the new Jurassic world movie isn’t a train Rex of a film.

How does the solar system hold up its trousers? With an asteroid belt

“Jesus loves you.”

A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

I’ve bought my son a huge wooden horse for Christmas.

I got it from ‘Troys R Us.’

I’ve recently quit my job as a butler.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.

I still remember the day the scented candle shop I worked at burned to the ground.

Everyone was so calm…..

At breakfast this morning, my wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.

I almost choked on my #Brown.

So this bloke just came up to me & said i’ve just spilt my scrabble set on the road. I asked “Whats the word on the street?”

Got a new job as a hostage negotiator. Tried to ring in sick but they talked me out of it.

Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reckons I am dishlexic.

I wanted to watch the world origami championship on TV but it was only on paper view.

I asked my wife for “something Cuban” for my birthday, and she got me a Che Guevara shirt.

Clothes, but no cigar.

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist? Because you will get Jurasskicked.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan

My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.

it’s all fun and games until someone loses an i.

The police came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5 . I told them pre school.

My wife told me she thought we’d have less arguments if I wasn’t so pedantic.

I told her ‘I think you mean fewer’.

My mate had a terrible accident a while ago. He fell into an Upholstering Machine.

He’s fully recovered now though.

It’s Jamaican hair style day at work tomorrow. I’m already dreading it.