Arguing with my wife is like reading the software licencing agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree”.

My wife is leaving me because I’m going bald.

I’m not bothered, it’s hair loss.

Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors it would be called chicken sedan.

White boards are remarkable

What was the demon arrested for?
Possession

How do Mexicans stay warm in winter? Fajitas

Why did the Mexican take xanax?
For Hispanic attacks

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Tennis players grunt too much when they play.
There’s no need for all that racquet

I thought I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagine asian

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Is it bad to tell knock knock jokes to homeless people?

I’m trying to write jokes about unemployed people, but they need more work

Doctor, I feel like a wigwam and a teepee. Trouble is, you’re too tense.

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

A termite walks into a bar and says “where’s the bar tender”

A bear walked into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer……and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”

Don’t fart in an apple store, there’s no windows!

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”