What kind of currency do chickens use? Bock bucks

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.

Why did the birdie go to the hospital? He needed a tweetment

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. We didn’t see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.

What do you call people who illegally use restrooms? Squatters.

A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp. The police are looking into it.

Someone threw a bottle of Omega-3 pills at me. Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil.

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

You know mountains aren’t just funny, they are hill areas

Cinderella got kicked off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball

It’s better to have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

What’s got four legs and one arm? A Rottweiler.

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
Synonym rolls

Someone says to his friend: “I bought a cat” And the other: “You have to be kitten me!”

What does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles