A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

I work in a library. Literally, all we do is judge books by their covers.

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and its cold

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving

I can cut down a tree just by looking at it. It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes

What’s the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse

My dad was dyslexic. Whenever I swore when growing up, he’d wash my mouth out with soup.

What do pimps and farmers have in common? They both need a hoe to stay in business

What’s it like being in a vacuum cleaner? It sucks

My mate’s sex change operation from male to female went very well.
They did such a good job he’s still trying to reverse out of the hospital car park.

What part of your body likes to get frisky?
The naked eye

I have only seen people underwhelmed or overwhelmed, never whelmed properly.

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?

I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. She couldn’t believe it when I rode pasta.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
Bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch you’ll have to stand in line”. The guy looks around, but there is no punch line.

“It’s a boy!” I shouted, tears rolling down my face. “I don’t believe it. A boy!” And at that moment I decided I’d never visit Thailand again.

Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realised he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.

A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says “make me one with everything”