#605
What do you call a Far Eastern monk who sells reincarnations?
A used karma dealer
#799
Dad: Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime artist
Son: Was it something I said?
Dad: Yes
#358
What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste
#872
What did the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here I’m going on a head
#436
I’d like to thank the girl with no sports bra who ran with me through the last few miles of yesterday’s marathon.
Your lack of support got me through
#827
what is a pirates favorite letter?
It be the C
#367
Did you know that Snoop Dogg’s sister is a stripper?
She wears nothing but a g-string baby
#796
My mate just got fired from the mint factory.
His wife went absolutely menthol
#247
Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?
#892
Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
She had Bad Blood
#427
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack
#123
I just saw a sign that made me wet myself.
It said “Bathroom Closed”.
#511
Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.
One yells to the other, ‘How do you get to the other side?’
The other blonde replies, ‘You are on the other side!’
#575
What did the NSA analyst say to his co-worker when their female colleague walked past?
“I’d tap that”
#50
Our cat was just sick on the carpet. I don’t think its feline well.
#898
Why did Santa’s helper get depressed?
He had low elf esteem
#800
I’d tell you a joke about crops, but it’s a bit corny.
#22
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up
#481
I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper’s jammin’ again.
#404
I’m not saying your perfume is too strong. I’m just saying the canary was alive before you got here.