My tailor is happy to make a pair of pants for me, or at least sew it seams.

I had the most amazing orange the other day

It was a class above the zest

How do Mexicans stay warm in winter? Fajitas

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, “This taste funny to you?”

I’ve just finished reading a book called “How To Give Constructive Criticism.”
It was rubbish.

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble

“You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation.

What’s an epileptics favourite food? Seizure salad

An African-American guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It’s called Nacho Mama.

My budgie broke his leg so I made him a tiny splint out of a couple of matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk.

What is invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts

Two peanuts walked down the street. One of them was a salted

Interviewer: “So how long were you employed in your last job?”
Me: “I’d say my biggest weakness is my listening skills.”

When my blonde neighbour asked me if I knew about items missing from her clothesline I nearly wet her pants.

I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first but by the end I kinda liked it

Today I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay and thought to myself, “I wonder what his handicap is?”

Can’t believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in