What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data

Times New Roman walks into a bar. The barman says “Get out of here! We don’t serve your type.”

An African-American guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It’s called Nacho Mama.

Where did Mary go after the explosion?
Everywhere

Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it!

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. We didn’t see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.

What’s Michael Jackson’s favourite painting?
Sha-Mona Lisa

What do you call a pastry with diamonds? A stud muffin

Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was a real tragedy, 100 soles were lost.

Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.

LSD causes users to lose weight. Obviously you can’t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge

I bet the butcher $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”

My wife told me to get our red headed son ready for school. So I beat him up and took his lunch money.

They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for!

You heard of that new band 1023MB? They’re good but they haven’t got a gig yet.

What do you call an Asian man who always has the correct change?
Exact Lee

I can cut down a tree just by looking at it. It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes

Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.