I used to be a lifeguard, but this blue kid got me fired.

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny..

Did you hear about the murder at the fish shop the other day!!

2 fish got battered to death

Give a Nigerian a fish he’ll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he’ll become a prince and start e-mailing people

A Russian spy, a sexual predator, and a billionaire walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get you, Mr. President?”

What happened to the cannibal that was late to dinner?
He was given the cold shoulder

The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

Yesterday I saw a keyboard with some missing keys. It ended up killing itself because it lacked self-Ctrl.

My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.

I’m here for whatever you need me to do… from the couch.

What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.

What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn’t around? Holmeless.

My wife says I’m immature. I told her to get out of my fort

Age is just the number of hours I’m hungover for.

Someone threw a bottle of Omega-3 pills at me. Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil.

Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn’t change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction

I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.