#708

What did the blanket say as it fell of the bed?
Oh sheet

#196

Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

#456

My boss told me I intimidate my coworkers so I just stared at him until he apologised

#442

I’m hosting a marathon for people with chronic diarrhea. It’s a run for the runs

#19

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

#541

I know Jiu-Jitsu, Sambo, Judo, Aikido and lots of other scary words.

#778

What do you call a duck with a drug problem?
A quackhead

#324

My wife isnโ€™t talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday.
Iโ€™m not sure how I did that โ€“ I didnโ€™t even know it was her birthday

#881

If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

#84

What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.

#580

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line

#634

I imagine a handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.

#500

Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’

#21

People used to laugh at me when I would say “I want to be a comedian”, well nobody’s laughing now.

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