Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says, “The Titanic is syncing”

What has four letters

How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down.

What type of bears live in the north and south poles?
Bi-polar

Yesterday I saw a keyboard with some missing keys. It ended up killing itself because it lacked self-Ctrl.

I was hooked on auctions after only going once… going twice.

I gave all my dead batteries away today…
free of charge

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny..

I don’t get people who stumble into mirrors. They need to watch themselves.

What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral

Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
-Librarians arguing

What do ducks wear to weddings? Duxedos

What is Bruce Lee’s favourite drink? Wataaaaahh!

The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travellers in here.”
A time traveller walks into a bar.

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

When life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.

Why should you never trust a train?
They have loco motives