#708
What did the blanket say as it fell of the bed?
Oh sheet
What did the blanket say as it fell of the bed?
Oh sheet
Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
My boss told me I intimidate my coworkers so I just stared at him until he apologised
I’m hosting a marathon for people with chronic diarrhea. It’s a run for the runs
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
I know Jiu-Jitsu, Sambo, Judo, Aikido and lots of other scary words.
Velociraptor = Distance raptor / Time raptor
What do you call a duck with a drug problem?
A quackhead
How did the farmer find his wife?
He tractor down.
How do billboards communicate?
Sign language
My wife isnโt talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday.
Iโm not sure how I did that โ I didnโt even know it was her birthday
If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.
What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line
I imagine a handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
I’m so introverted I won’t even talk to myself.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’
People used to laugh at me when I would say “I want to be a comedian”, well nobody’s laughing now.