I burnt My Hawaiian pizza today…

I should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature

What’s the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?
Luke warm

How many south Americans does it take to change a light bulb? A Brazilian

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines… but catscan

My honey farmer friend has a thing for big butts. I suppose Booty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

I’m not lazy… I’m just on my energy saving mode.

Did you hear about the murder at the fish shop the other day!!

2 fish got battered to death

I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
It’s shift work.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain

At any given moment the urge to sing, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away. A whim away. A whim away.

I’m thinking of selling my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay.
Imagine all the PayPal.

There are so many scams on the Internet these days…. but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.

Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realised he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.

You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

What do PCs and air conditioners have in common?
They both become useless when you open windows

I am frustrated than a dragon trying to blow out candles.

I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.

I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

Times New Roman walks into a bar. The barman says “Get out of here! We don’t serve your type.”