I bet the butcher $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”

My wife said I never listen to her. Or something like that.

What do you call an Asian man who always has the correct change?
Exact Lee

I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.

Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
She had Bad Blood

I really hate those people who knock at your door and tell you how you need to be ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’
Stupid firemen.

Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot

A bear walked into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer……and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover … well, it was just collecting dust

How Long is a Chinese man’s name.

No, it actually is.

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says, “The Titanic is syncing”

Got a universal remote for Father’s Day.
This changes everything!

What do dinosaurs pay their bills with?
Tyrannosaurus Cheques

Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.

What did Michael Jackson call his denim store?
Billie Jeans

What is Bruce Lee’s favourite drink? Wataaaaahh!

You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

Some people appreciate these kinds of jokes and some don’t – the division is clear.