#111
My wife broke up with me because of my gambling. All I can think of is how to win her back.
#122
My wife told me “Sex is better on holiday”.
Worst postcard ever.
#796
My mate just got fired from the mint factory.
His wife went absolutely menthol
#766
Where do pencils go on vacation? Pencilvania
#207
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
#777
I lost my mood ring and I don’t know how to feel about it
#249
What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
#374
Why don’t flies go to church?
Because they’re in sects
#175
Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat
#382
Statistically speaking, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy
#15
Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience
#535
How is cat food sold?
Purr can
#823
Why did the grandma put wheels on her rocking chair? She liked to rock and roll
#210
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
#771
What is Mozart doing right now?
Decomposing
#226
Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.
#123
I just saw a sign that made me wet myself.
It said “Bathroom Closed”.
#422
What kind of bees make milk?
Boobies
#69
When Jay-Z got engaged, did he call her his Feyonce?
#177
They should make a Minecraft movie, it would be a blockbuster!