#511
Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.
One yells to the other, ‘How do you get to the other side?’
The other blonde replies, ‘You are on the other side!’
#223
My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.
it’s all fun and games until someone loses an i.
#409
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
#371
My dad said, always leave them wanting more.
Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.
#370
The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy so he got out.
#804
What grows under your nose?
Tulips
#28
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
#27
I named my hard drive “dat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to back dat ass up
#833
My wife finally got a “Brazilian”. He seems nice.
#722
What do you call a guy covered in leaves?
Russell
#157
You heard of that new band 1023MB? They’re good but they haven’t got a gig yet.
#547
I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like… “OMg”
#19
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
#709
I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
It’s shift work.
#830
I spent all day yesterday floating out in the bay.
It’s been my dream ever since I was a little buoy.
#650
Where does seaweed look for a job?
in the kelp-wanted ads
#803
When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a woman’s body.
Then I was born
#867
I can cut down a tree just by looking at it. It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes
#109
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
#503
When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?