What is Bruce Lee’s favourite drink? Wataaaaahh!

A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar

My cats gonna sh** when he sees his new litter box I got him for Christmas.

I once thanked a French guy to death. It was a merci killing.

The rotation of earth really makes my day.

What kind of train eats a lot?
A chew chew train

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden..
The plot thickens.

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down

I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving

Wanted to tell you a joke about tv controllers but it’s not even remotely funny

Our vet is great. If you take your dog in and you have pet insurance, they give you a courtesy dog for the day.

Yesterday I saw a keyboard with some missing keys. It ended up killing itself because it lacked self-Ctrl.

It’s been 2 days since I’ve had McDonald’s, I’m getting the shakes… and the fries.

I wanted to watch the world origami championship on TV but it was only on paper view.

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB