How does a whale defend itself?
With a swordfish

What did the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here I’m going on a head

How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced?.

A buccaneer

I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous!

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall? So he could see her crack!

I went to a zoo in China last month, all they had in it was a small fluffy dog.
It was a Shitzu.

Why did the birdie go to the hospital? He needed a tweetment

Your mum is so mean, she has no standard deviation
🤓

If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally!

Two peanuts walked down the street. One of them was a salted

I have a stepladder. Because my real ladder left when I was a kid

There’s no “i” in denial

When does a sandwich cook?
When it’s bakin lettuce and tomato

Can’t believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in

We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon.