#758
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? He needed a tweetment
#666
Someone threw cheese at me.
Real mature!
#345
Prison may be just one word. But to some, it’s a whole sentence.
#561
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
#251
What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped his bum.
#669
What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken
#612
My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was told by my boss that employees needed to go to the meeting room before every shift. I asked why. He said, “Assembly required.”
#122
My wife told me “Sex is better on holiday”.
Worst postcard ever.
#784
What do you call a business cow?
An entrepe-moo-er
#51
An English man, an Irish man and an Italian walk into a bar. The bartender says “is this a joke?”
#783
Counting in binary is as easy as 01 10 11
#327
There was a big paddle sale at the boat store.
It was quite an oar deal.
#572
NSA Pickup Line #2:
I know exactly where you have been all my life
#520
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
#361
What’s Michael Jackson’s favourite painting?
Sha-Mona Lisa
#469
What do you call a bee with a low buzz?
A mumblebee
#560
Why did the chicken go to a séance? To communicate with the other side
#820
What did the cleaner say as he jumped out of the closet?
SUPPLIES!
#343
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden..
The plot thickens.
#835
I said to a mate, “What’s your pet hate?”
He said, “He doesn’t like it when the vet puts a thermometer up his butt”.
