#343

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden..
The plot thickens.

#877

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “The highballs are on me.”

#271

If a blind woman tells you your penis is big, she’s probably just pulling your leg

#265

What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large

#777

I lost my mood ring and I don’t know how to feel about it

#105

If you’re here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.

#618

If I get interviewed by a police sketch artist, my only goal will be to see how far I get before he realizes I’m making him draw a pirate.

#121

I was ordering birthday cake over phone.
They asked “And what would you like the cake to say?”
I covered phone to ask my wife. “Do we want a talking cake?”

#254

A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, β€œLet me give you some cream to put on it.”

#367

Did you know that Snoop Dogg’s sister is a stripper?
She wears nothing but a g-string baby

#776

What do you call two guys sitting in a windowsill?
Kurt and Rod

#734

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.

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