The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

Some people appreciate these kinds of jokes and some don’t – the division is clear.

My honey farmer friend has a thing for big butts. I suppose Booty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Withers.

My jokes are still in alpha

Hopefully soon they’ll get beta

Why don’t flies go to church?
Because they’re in sects

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “thank you”

I said “Don’t mention it”

What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.

My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes. She wasn’t happy when I arrived with a push-up bra.

I’m terrified of elevators, and I’m taking steps to avoid them

What do you call a gay milkman? A Dairy Queen

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.

My party trick is swallowing two peices of string and an hour later they come out of my arse tied together. I shit you knot.

Once I found out masturbating was an addiction, I just knew that I had no choice but to beat it.

What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing.

i thought i got a type a in blood test but it was actually a typ-o

Fishermen are reel men.