Relationships between men and women is psychological.
She is psycho and he is logical.

I was ordering birthday cake over phone.
They asked “And what would you like the cake to say?”
I covered phone to ask my wife. “Do we want a talking cake?”

I still remember the day the scented candle shop I worked at burned to the ground.

Everyone was so calm…..

How is cat food sold?
Purr can

Hedgehogs — why can’t they just share the hedge

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.

It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

What do you call a guy no arms no legs in the mail box? Bill.

Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
She had Bad Blood

I was hooked on auctions after only going once… going twice.

A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”

I only trust people who like big butts. They cannot lie.

What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A Piiig…

My friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water. I think he meant well.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like… “OMg”

Tennis players grunt too much when they play.
There’s no need for all that racquet