Did you hear about the horse and pig that are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship

When my blonde neighbour asked me if I knew about items missing from her clothesline I nearly wet her pants.

“Jesus loves you.”

A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

What’s long and hard and has cum in it?
A cucumber

My wife told me “Sex is better on holiday”.
Worst postcard ever.

My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk

Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler

Shout out to my grandma…
That’s the only way she can hear

My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.

it’s all fun and games until someone loses an i.

I haven’t slept for three days, because that would be too long.

There are plenty of fish in the sea but until you catch one you’re just stuck here holding your rod…

If two vegans have an argument is it still beef?

Why should you never give Elsa a balloon?
Cause she’ll just let it go

My wife says I’m immature. I told her to get out of my fort

I was mugged by an acupuncturist yesterday – the mongrel stabbed me 236 times.
Mind you, when I woke up this morning I felt amazing.

A Russian spy, a sexual predator, and a billionaire walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What can I get you, Mr. President?”