“I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

Deja Moo – the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before

How does an evil cow laugh? Moohaha

I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
It’s shift work.

I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.

Face is a four letter word. But preface is a foreword letter.

Have I told you this deja vu joke before?

Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.

Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Those long face jokes are so mean. Let me buy you a drink”

A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”

The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”

I wanted to watch the world origami championship on TV but it was only on paper view.

How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him into the mainstream

Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills

I bought a dog off a blacksmith today.
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

I went to a busy pub last night dressed as a tennis ball.
I got served straight away.

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realised he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.

My cousin drowned. At his funeral we laid a life jacket on his coffin.
It’s what he would have wanted.

My dad said, always leave them wanting more.
Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.

How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool