Do you know why i make puns?
its my respunsibility.

What kind of currency do chickens use? Bock bucks

I’m not lazy… I’m just on my energy saving mode.

A man was admitted to hospital with a number of toy horses up his backside. His condition is now stable.

When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras.
I still have flashbacks

An SEO guy walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, hotel, public house, brew house, beer hall, bodega, izakaya

My friend has got a butler who only has one arm.
Serves him right.

When are holes beautiful? When they’re gorges.

What’s the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?

I would lose weight, but I hate losing.

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.

Arguing with my wife is like reading the software licencing agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree”.

Our vet is great. If you take your dog in and you have pet insurance, they give you a courtesy dog for the day.

Give a Nigerian a fish he’ll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he’ll become a prince and start e-mailing people

What do you call dental x-rays?
Tooth pics

The best way to carve wood is whittle by whittle

When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

My mate had a terrible accident at work. He fell into an industrial grinder. He’s fine now.