Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?
Let’s go play on our bikes

My mate had a terrible accident a while ago. He fell into an Upholstering Machine.

He’s fully recovered now though.

Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn’t change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction

What’s the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise.

An English man, an Irish man and an Italian walk into a bar. The bartender says “is this a joke?”

Something about subtraction just doesn’t add up

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line

What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
A spectater

There’s a new shaver designed for dyslexics.
It’s the best thing since sliced beard.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

The police came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5 . I told them pre school.

“Give me a sentence about a public servant” the teacher instructed her second-grade student.
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant” he answered.
“Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?”
“Yes” said the boy. “It means carrying a child”

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.

What do you call people who illegally use restrooms? Squatters.