A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? Sure, they’re very scent-imental!

I am frustrated than a dragon trying to blow out candles.

What kind of train eats a lot?
A chew chew train

Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat

I’m going on a blind date tonight. I hope our Labradors get on.

Behind every angry woman is man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong

My wife just broke up with me for talking about video games too much, what a stupid thing to Fallout 4

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan

What sits at the bottom of the ocean shivering?
A nervous wreck

How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool

What’s the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?

What do you call a guy covered in leaves?
Russell

My dad was dyslexic. Whenever I swore when growing up, he’d wash my mouth out with soup.

Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

I don’t know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.

You heard of that new band 1023MB? They’re good but they haven’t got a gig yet.

Two dyslexics walk into a bra…

I’m great at multitasking.
I can waste time, be unproductive and procrastinate all at once!