My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.

There’s a new shaver designed for dyslexics.
It’s the best thing since sliced beard.

What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large

I really hate those people who knock at your door and tell you how you need to be ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’
Stupid firemen.

Best Summer Vacation Book Never Written: “Where to Stay on Vacation” by Moe Tell.

What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day? Forget-me-nuts.

I wasn’t happy with my sons school report. He said okay. I said I want more A’s. He said okaaaaaaaay

What do you call a pastry with diamonds? A stud muffin

What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in your fireplace?
Bernie

Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e cigarette. When I woke up, the whole house was on the Internet

What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It’s not hard.

Fishermen are reel men.

My budgie broke his leg so I made him a tiny splint out of a couple of matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk.

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience

My wife said that if I don’t get off my computer and do the dishes she’ll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she’s jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn

A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.

I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears. What am I? Ugly