#74
I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.
It was Won Ton.
#575
What did the NSA analyst say to his co-worker when their female colleague walked past?
“I’d tap that”
#808
My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and has never had a customer.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it
#77
If two vegans have an argument is it still beef?
#881
If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.
#16
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud
#67
What has four letters
#835
I said to a mate, “What’s your pet hate?”
He said, “He doesn’t like it when the vet puts a thermometer up his butt”.
#38
There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t
#747
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
#401
When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down
#64
RIP boiled water. You will be mist.
#670
Two bars walk into a man, LSD is powerful stuff
#264
Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.
#753
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So when they dock they can Scandinavian.
#120
“It’s a boy!” I shouted, tears rolling down my face. “I don’t believe it. A boy!” And at that moment I decided I’d never visit Thailand again.
#526
What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
#57
What’s the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?
#590
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it
#179
I met a woman with 12 boobs…
Sounds weird dozen tit!