Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was told by my boss that employees needed to go to the meeting room before every shift. I asked why. He said, “Assembly required.”

What do you call a guy covered in leaves?
Russell

My wife said that if I don’t get off my computer and do the dishes she’ll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she’s jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn

An English man, an Irish man and an Italian walk into a bar. The bartender says “is this a joke?”

Scared the postman today by going to the door naked.
I’m not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

I can only tell you a bad chemistry joke because all the good ones Argon

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in your fireplace?
Bernie

A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar

I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t

Police are looking for a guy who threatens his victims with a lit match.
They need to catch him before he strikes again

I’m so introverted I won’t even talk to myself.

My wife’s been staring through the window ever since it started snowing. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs. He wasn’t happy

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?
Let’s go play on our bikes