#147
I remember last summer I was so excited when the water restrictions were lifted I wet my plants.
#728
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I’m seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say I’m really disappointed.
#106
My mate had a terrible accident at work. He fell into an industrial grinder. He’s fine now.
#799
Dad: Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime artist
Son: Was it something I said?
Dad: Yes
#835
I said to a mate, “What’s your pet hate?”
He said, “He doesn’t like it when the vet puts a thermometer up his butt”.
#89
Do you know why i make puns?
its my respunsibility.
#59
The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common
#414
What did Michael Jackson call his denim store?
Billie Jeans
#505
Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
#273
My cats gonna sh** when he sees his new litter box I got him for Christmas.
#380
Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing
#208
I thought I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagine asian
#346
My wife says I’m too impulsive. But what the hell does she know? She only met me yesterday.
#557
What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
#685
“I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.
#122
My wife told me “Sex is better on holiday”.
Worst postcard ever.
#351
How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced?.
A buccaneer
#39
Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot
#356
How Long is a Chinese man’s name.
No, it actually is.
#435
I recently got a new Korean mechanic but it’s hard to understand him – he speaks with a Hyundai Accent!