A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

You know what often gets overlooked? Fences.

If you could rehydrate those raisins, that’d be grapes.

Behind every angry woman is man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong

What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonkey.

The rotation of earth really makes my day.

This weight loss website wants me to accept cookies. Hmm…

Face is a four letter word. But preface is a foreword letter.

Someone says to his friend: “I bought a cat” And the other: “You have to be kitten me!”

There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

Why do all of P-Diddy’s kids have nice hair?
Because Sean Combs

Prison may be just one word. But to some, it’s a whole sentence.

Got a new job as a hostage negotiator. Tried to ring in sick but they talked me out of it.

Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
She had Bad Blood

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

Our cat was just sick on the carpet. I don’t think its feline well.

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was a real tragedy, 100 soles were lost.