My honey farmer friend has a thing for big butts. I suppose Booty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wasabi

My dad used to say “Always fight fire with fire.” Probably explains why he was thrown out of the fire brigade

What do you call a mind reader who can’t read minds? A telepathetic.

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a bridge?
Tequila

Did you hear about the theme park ride made entirely out of iron?
It was a ferrous wheel

What did the blanket say as it fell of the bed?
Oh sheet

Why dont blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s butt?
A mechanic!

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise.

Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’

Nobody’s perfect. I’m a nobody.

My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewellery. To be fair, I didn’t even know she sold jewellery.

My ex-wife has lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.

I have a stepladder. Because my real ladder left when I was a kid