Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I’m seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say I’m really disappointed.

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

Some people appreciate these kinds of jokes and some don’t – the division is clear.

What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.

What do dinosaurs pay their bills with?
Tyrannosaurus Cheques

What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his butt?
Warren

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.

Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment.

I felt so bad today…I saw this sad dog without a tail. Luckily, his owner was taking him to the retail store.

I met my wife at an Arthritis support meeting.
You know when two people just click.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘handsome’, don’t take it as a compliment!

Fishermen are reel men.

My dad was dyslexic. Whenever I swore when growing up, he’d wash my mouth out with soup.

I would lose weight, but I hate losing.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

I was thinking about getting a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind

A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”