#117
Police are looking for a guy who threatens his victims with a lit match.
They need to catch him before he strikes again
#381
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire
#28
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
#331
I bought a dog off a blacksmith today.
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
#40
What do you call a woman with no legs? Nolene
#122
My wife told me “Sex is better on holiday”.
Worst postcard ever.
#465
I don’t need a hot tub. I prefer a mildly attractive tub with a great sense of humor and a good job
#791
What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick
#274
Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
#525
Currently the flower business is blooming.
#129
My ex-wife is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me. I want to say hello but there’s just too much history between us.
#792
My wife screamed “Ugh you haven’t heard a word I said, have you!?”
What a strange way to start a conversation
#828
Did you know that one of the Knights of the Round Table collected taxes?
His name was Sir Charge
#625
What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish
#809
How do fish get high?
Seaweed
#881
If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.
#439
I’m the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser.
#417
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
#84
What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
#286
Pick up line: “Are you a beaver because damn!”