My mate’s sex change operation from male to female went very well.
They did such a good job he’s still trying to reverse out of the hospital car park.

Currently the flower business is blooming.

Why should you never trust a train?
They have loco motives

Want to get noticed?
Go jogging without moving your arms.

Did you hear about the murder at the fish shop the other day!!

2 fish got battered to death

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

You know what often gets overlooked? Fences.

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

What’s the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?

I’m thinking of selling my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay.
Imagine all the PayPal.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram

A horse walks into a bar. Several patrons get up and leave as they recognise the potential danger in the situation

What kind of currency do chickens use? Bock bucks

What was the demon arrested for?
Possession

What do you call a woman with a toothpick up her butt?
Olive

My friend David lost his ID.

So now I call him Dav.

NSA Pickup Line #1:
Did you fall from heaven?
Because there’s no tracking data on how you arrived at this location

An old man threw out his hip.. What a waist

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates.

I was playing Frisbee with my dog in the park today, but it didn’t go well.
I think I need to get a flatter dog.