Relationships between men and women is psychological.
She is psycho and he is logical.

What’s the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?
Luke warm

I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.

What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste

How does the solar system hold up its trousers? With an asteroid belt

What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire? Bernadette

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I’m seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say I’m really disappointed.

What do you call a sketchy Italian neighbourhood?
A Spaghetto

I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.

I’m hosting a marathon for people with chronic diarrhea. It’s a run for the runs

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

It’s better to have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

My dad always told me “Don’t be quick to find faults”.
Good man, terrible geologist.

The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common

Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines.

What type of bears live in the north and south poles?
Bi-polar

A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar

I broke a can opener. It’s a can’t opener now.

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.