#698
Have I told you this deja vu joke before?
#161
What do you call an artist with a brown finger? Picassole
#530
What do you get when giraffes collide?
A giraffic jam
#831
I was having a dip at the swimming pool when the lifeguard asked, “What have you got there?” I said “Tzatziki”.
#329
My friend has got a butler who only has one arm.
Serves him right.
#800
I’d tell you a joke about crops, but it’s a bit corny.
#899
I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.
#268
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
#544
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
#112
Me: Go to sleep before the monsters get you.
Daughter: Monsters aren’t real.
Me: You sound like your sister.
Daughter: Sister?
Me: I’ve said too much already…
#367
Did you know that Snoop Dogg’s sister is a stripper?
She wears nothing but a g-string baby
#273
My cats gonna sh** when he sees his new litter box I got him for Christmas.
#42
What do you call a woman with a toothpick up her butt?
Olive
#557
What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
#845
When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble
#404
I’m not saying your perfume is too strong. I’m just saying the canary was alive before you got here.
#390
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees
#641
My wife’s mad because I paid for my dope out of our joint account. I thought that was why we had it.
#182
A giraffe walks into a bar. “Sorry”, said the barman, “We don’t serve Heineken here.”
#793
I couldn’t get in to the library last night.
It was over booked.
