#255
Why don’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe
#649
Why did Barbie never get pregnant?
Because Ken always came in another box.
#513
I thought I understood the meaning of “When Pigs Fly” but then… the swine flu.
#330
They say make up sex is the best…
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.
#653
I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous!
#774
My friends bakery burned down last night.
His business is toast
#710
I really hate those people who knock at your door and tell you how you need to be ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’
Stupid firemen.
#361
What’s Michael Jackson’s favourite painting?
Sha-Mona Lisa
#669
What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken
#276
What do you call a wandering caveman? A meanderthal.
#792
My wife screamed “Ugh you haven’t heard a word I said, have you!?”
What a strange way to start a conversation
#80
What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nuts are under a buck.
#414
What did Michael Jackson call his denim store?
Billie Jeans
#263
Once I found out masturbating was an addiction, I just knew that I had no choice but to beat it.
#560
Why did the chicken go to a séance? To communicate with the other side
#604
I quit my job at the helium gas factory, I refuse to be talked to in that tone of voice!
#448
Behind every angry woman is man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong
#387
Velociraptor = Distance raptor / Time raptor
#578
I’m not lazy… I’m just on my energy saving mode.
#572
NSA Pickup Line #2:
I know exactly where you have been all my life