Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny..

I don’t get people who stumble into mirrors. They need to watch themselves.

Why do all of P-Diddy’s kids have nice hair?
Because Sean Combs

Arguing with my wife is like reading the software licencing agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree”.

I gave Stevie wonder a cheese grater for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?

My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes. She wasn’t happy when I arrived with a push-up bra.

Have I told you this deja vu joke before?

When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down

I’m not lazy… I’m just on my energy saving mode.

Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Sein.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

Why was the computer late for work?
He had a slow, hard drive

My budgie broke his leg so I made him a tiny splint out of a couple of matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk.

Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells

Where do pencils go on vacation? Pencilvania