Currently the flower business is blooming.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever thought about your X and wondered Y?

One day you’re the next best thing to sliced bread.
The next, you’re toast.

The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest

I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.

If two vegans have an argument is it still beef?

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

I’m hosting a marathon for people with chronic diarrhea. It’s a run for the runs

Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’

I went to a busy pub last night dressed as a tennis ball.
I got served straight away.

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a bridge?
Tequila

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”

When life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium

I bought a cuckoo clock at an army disposals store. Last night at ten o’clock the bird chirped 2200 times.

I’m thinking of selling my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay.
Imagine all the PayPal.

There’s a new shaver designed for dyslexics.
It’s the best thing since sliced beard.

A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.