There’s no “i” in denial

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One’s really heavy and the other is a little lighter

Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist? Because you will get Jurasskicked.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.

I had amnesia once – maybe twice.

Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors it would be called chicken sedan.

A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work.

PMS should just be called ovary-acting

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

I miss my umbilical cord. Must have grown attached to it

Velociraptor = Distance raptor / Time raptor

Don’t fart in an apple store, there’s no windows!

When does a sandwich cook?
When it’s bakin lettuce and tomato

White boards are remarkable

For a short while, my uncle was a world famous chainsaw juggler. But not for being good at it. I miss uncle Stump.

I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free

My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.