#337

If iron man and the silver surfer team up, they’ll be alloys

#342

A man who loves Sherlock Holmes novels and puns names his dog Furlock. One day, he takes his dog out to town with him and stops in a little boutique. He brings his dog in with him and tries on a shirt. To his dismay, it isnโ€™t the right size. He looks at his dog and says โ€œNo fit, Furlock.โ€œ

#655

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?
Letโ€™s go play on our bikes

#529

I was hooked on auctions after only going once… going twice.

#308

The invisible man and invisible woman had children… they weren’t much to look at

#87

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

#736

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

#667

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.

#399

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.

#594

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, “This taste funny to you?”

#412

Why did the mobile phone need glasses?
It lost all its contacts

#795

Why did the butcher get dressed up?
He was going to the meatball

#539

Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills

#658

I may not be getting lucky tonight, but I’m definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.

#234

I’ve recently quit my job as a butler.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.

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