How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool

Why don’t helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly

Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn’t change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction

I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.

How do mathematicians scold their children?

“If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times …”

I felt so bad today…I saw this sad dog without a tail. Luckily, his owner was taking him to the retail store.

What do vegan dogs eat? Bark

I can guess your blood type.
Its Red.

I still remember the day the scented candle shop I worked at burned to the ground.

Everyone was so calm…..

I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free

“It’s a boy!” I shouted, tears rolling down my face. “I don’t believe it. A boy!” And at that moment I decided I’d never visit Thailand again.

Who is the best king fu vegetable?
Brocc Lee

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

I only trust people who like big butts. They cannot lie.

Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reckons I am dishlexic.