They should make a Minecraft movie, it would be a blockbuster!

A guy just threw milk at me… How dairy?!

What do you call a woman with a toothpick up her butt?
Olive

A horse walks into a bar, across the room, up the back wall, across the ceiling, down the front wall and then up to the bar. The bartender gives the horse a beer, he drinks it and leaves. A guy sitting at the bar looks perplexed and asks the bartender “Hey, what’s that all about?” The bartender replies, “Don’t take it personally, he never says ‘Hi’ to anyone.”

It’s been 2 days since I’ve had McDonald’s, I’m getting the shakes… and the fries.

I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.

Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat

An SEO guy walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, hotel, public house, brew house, beer hall, bodega, izakaya

Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.

I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears. What am I? Ugly

“It’s a boy!” I shouted, tears rolling down my face. “I don’t believe it. A boy!” And at that moment I decided I’d never visit Thailand again.

I gave all my dead batteries away today…
free of charge

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?
Couldn’t control his pupils

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!

Don’t fart in an apple store, there’s no windows!

My ex-girlfriend still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever thought about your X and wondered Y?

There was a snake crossing a highway and a truck ran over its ass. The snake went back to get its ass and a truck ran over its head. The moral of the story is, “Don’t lose your head over a piece of ass.”

Deja Moo – the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before