#284

When life gives you melons, youโ€™re probably dyslexic.

#143

“Children are like a sponge at this age,” I said as I used my neighbour’s toddler to wipe up my beer that he spilled.

#481

I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper’s jammin’ again.

#639

I’m hosting a charity event tonight to raise money for people unable to orgasm. Don’t worry if you can’t come.

#867

I can cut down a tree just by looking at it. Itโ€™s true. I saw it with my own eyes

#53

I only trust people who like big butts. They cannot lie.

#75

I saw a bishop the other day. Wondered why he wasn’t walking diagonally

#218

Arguing with my wife is like reading the software licencing agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree”.

#349

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

#352

Two soldiers are in a tank.
One looks at the other and says “BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB”

#340

Face is a four letter word. But preface is a foreword letter.

#881

If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

#563

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200

#84

What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.

#405

The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Resturant In Peace.

#381

What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire

Back to top