I’m trying to write jokes about unemployed people, but they need more work


Can a woman make you a millionaire?
Yes, if you’re a billionaire


“You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation.


I was thinking about getting a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind


Deja Moo – the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before


You used asbestos in that wall?
That was asbestos I could do.


What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster.


If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.


Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reckons I am dishlexic.


I gave all my dead batteries away today…
free of charge


The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.


If procrastionation was an Olympic sport, I’d compete in it later.


An SEO guy walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, hotel, public house, brew house, beer hall, bodega, izakaya


Woke up on the ground last night, must have fell asleep​.

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