#205

I’m trying to write jokes about unemployed people, but they need more work

#444

Can a woman make you a millionaire?
Yes, if you’re a billionaire

#137

“You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation.

#61

I was thinking about getting a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind

#395

Deja Moo – the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before

#870

You used asbestos in that wall?
That was asbestos I could do.

#158

What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster.

#881

If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

#229

Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reckons I am dishlexic.

#523

I gave all my dead batteries away today…
free of charge

#463

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

#424

If procrastionation was an Olympic sport, I’d compete in it later.

#49

An SEO guy walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, hotel, public house, brew house, beer hall, bodega, izakaya

#859

Woke up on the ground last night, must have fell asleep​.

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