#425

One day you’re the next best thing to sliced bread.
The next, you’re toast.

#193

What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag is a big plus

#227

I asked my wife for “something Cuban” for my birthday, and she got me a Che Guevara shirt.

Clothes, but no cigar.

#619

Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.

#592

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

#473

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.

#828

Did you know that one of the Knights of the Round Table collected taxes?
His name was Sir Charge

#362

I’m in awe. My buddy just used a snail as a key to start up his sedan…

It made escargot.

#706

What part of a vegetable do cannibals struggle to eat?
The wheelchair

#597

My wife was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!”

“Doc, what’s wrong with my wife?” I asked.

“Nothing” he said. “She’s just having contractions.”

#537

Best Summer Vacation Book Never Written: “Where to Stay on Vacation” by Moe Tell.

#438

People are making end of the world jokes like there is no tomorrow.

#816

What’s the least spoken language in the world?
Sign language

#437

I got banned from a secret cooking society for spilling the beans

#477

Want to get noticed?
Go jogging without moving your arms.

#104

I bought a cuckoo clock at an army disposals store. Last night at ten o’clock the bird chirped 2200 times.

#441

My wife said that if I don’t get off my computer and do the dishes she’ll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she’s jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn

Back to top