#609

I did a theatrical performance on puns.
It was a play on words.

#102

I called the vet to complain about a bill. He just put the phone down. As quickly and humanely as possible.

#505

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

#558

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘handsome’, don’t take it as a compliment!

#630

Why did the snowman smile?
Because the snowblower was coming

#624

Why canโ€™t you take inventory in Afghanistan?
Because of the tally ban

#29

The first rule of Alzheimer’s club, is don’t talk about chess club

#315

I wasnโ€™t particularly close to my dad before he died…
Which was lucky, because he trod on a landmine.

#420

I wasn’t happy with my sons school report. He said okay. I said I want more A’s. He said okaaaaaaaay

#807

If Tinkerbell had a Mexican sister what would her name be?
Taco Bell

#847

My friend just got a job at the zoo, circumcising elephants. The pay isn’t great but he gets huge tips.

#238

Let’s hope the new Jurassic world movie isn’t a train Rex of a film.

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