“Jesus loves you.”

A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.


Puts the car into reverse.
“Ah, this takes me back”


I miss my umbilical cord. Must have grown attached to it


The police came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5 . I told them pre school.


Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.


My dad always used to say โ€œThe skyโ€™s the limit!โ€
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA


What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic


What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator.


What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One’s a crusty bus station and the other a busty crustacean


What do you call an artist with a brown finger? Picassole


A termite walks into a bar and says “where’s the bar tender”


Our cat coughed up furballs all over the carpet. I wouldn’t mind but Furballs was our hamster.

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