An atheist, a vegan and a Crossfitter walk into a bar. I only know because they told everyone within the first three minutes.

Doing things that you are not supposed to do at work makes your vision, hearing and alertness much better.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication

What do you call a guy covered in leaves?
Russell

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced?.

A buccaneer

What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

“Do these genes make me look fat?”

PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

Where does Buzz Lightyear go furniture shopping at? Bed, Bath, and BEYOND!

I was walking my dog through the cemetery when I saw a guy crouching behind a gravestone.
I said “Morning”. He said, “No, just having a sh**”.

I haven’t slept for three days, because that would be too long.

Let’s hope the new Jurassic world movie isn’t a train Rex of a film.

My mate had a terrible accident a while ago. He fell into an Upholstering Machine.

He’s fully recovered now though.

This guy just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of his penis. Definitely won’t be shagging one of those again

When I heard that they’d found a cure for dyslexia, it was like music to my arse.

The best way to carve wood is whittle by whittle

There’s no “i” in denial