White boards are remarkable

My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.

it’s all fun and games until someone loses an i.

“You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation.

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

A jumper cable walked into a bar, the bartender said “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”

When my blonde neighbour asked me if I knew about items missing from her clothesline I nearly wet her pants.

An old man threw out his hip.. What a waist

What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing.

I would lose weight, but I hate losing.

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere

Currently the flower business is blooming.

I used to date a dyslexic girl. Weird girl. I took her home and she cooked my sock.

What did one lumber jack say to another lumber jack?
“I need to axe you a question”

I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died…
Which was lucky, because he trod on a landmine.

Why does the alcoholic Avon lady walk funny? Because her lips stick.

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.

What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his butt?
Warren

Why did the mobile phone need glasses?
It lost all its contacts

Something about subtraction just doesn’t add up

My wife asked me to bring home stuff for the pancakes. She wasn’t happy when I arrived with a push-up bra.