A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

Fishermen are reel men.

I’m hosting a charity event tonight to raise money for people unable to orgasm. Don’t worry if you can’t come.

I went to a busy pub last night dressed as a tennis ball.
I got served straight away.

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler

Someone told me my clothes looked gay..
They did come out of the closet this morning.

They say make up sex is the best…
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.

My wife says I’m too impulsive. But what the hell does she know? She only met me yesterday.

An English man, an Irish man and an Italian walk into a bar. The bartender says “is this a joke?”

Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.

Thank you student loans for getting me through university. I don’t think I could ever repay you

What do you call a gay milkman? A Dairy Queen

I mean – I appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but I’ve heard so many cancer jokes today – if I get to hear just tumor I’ll really get mad.

Why don’t flies go to church?
Because they’re in sects

I’m not passive aggressive. Unlike some people.

What do people wear in a trench? Trench coats.

Murphy’s law states anything that can go wrong will go wrong, but have you heard of Cole’s law? It’s finely sliced cabbage.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees, I didn’t believe her. And then I saw her face