What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta

The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy so he got out.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says, “The Titanic is syncing”

Why do husbands die before their wives? They want to.

Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? Sure, they’re very scent-imental!

My boss told me I intimidate my coworkers so I just stared at him until he apologised

Why do blonde girls walk in groups of odd numbers? Because they can’t even!

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds

How does the solar system hold up its trousers? With an asteroid belt

Did you know that Snoop Dogg’s sister is a stripper?
She wears nothing but a g-string baby

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.

It’d be frustrating if you seriously couldn’t find your friend Marco at a crowded swimming pool.

Pick up line: “Are you a beaver because damn!”

A bear walked into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer……and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonkey.

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines… but catscan