#184

A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.

#495

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

#639

I’m hosting a charity event tonight to raise money for people unable to orgasm. Don’t worry if you can’t come.

#415

I went to a busy pub last night dressed as a tennis ball.
I got served straight away.

#391

Someone told me my clothes looked gay..
They did come out of the closet this morning.

#330

They say make up sex is the bestโ€ฆ
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up.

#346

My wife says I’m too impulsive. But what the hell does she know? She only met me yesterday.

#51

An English man, an Irish man and an Italian walk into a bar. The bartender says “is this a joke?”

#443

Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.

#730

Thank you student loans for getting me through university. I don’t think I could ever repay you

#250

I mean โ€“ I appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but Iโ€™ve heard so many cancer jokes today โ€“ if I get to hear just tumor Iโ€™ll really get mad.

#374

Why don’t flies go to church?
Because they’re in sects

#787

Murphy’s law states anything that can go wrong will go wrong, but have you heard of Cole’s law? It’s finely sliced cabbage.

#207

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

#602

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees, I didn’t believe her. And then I saw her face

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