Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said ‘concentrate’.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.

I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
It’s shift work.

My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and its cold

19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.

Interviewer: “So how long were you employed in your last job?”
Me: “I’d say my biggest weakness is my listening skills.”

Yo mamma is so fat that when she sat on a laptop, the hardware turned into software!

I bought a dog off a blacksmith today.
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

Scared the postman today by going to the door naked.
I’m not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, “This taste funny to you?”

I remember last summer I was so excited when the water restrictions were lifted I wet my plants.

Why don’t helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly

It puzzles me that a bra is singular and panties are plural.

What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

The first rule of Alzheimer’s club, is don’t talk about chess club