What do dinosaurs pay their bills with?
Tyrannosaurus Cheques

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram

Do you know why i make puns?
its my respunsibility.

What is invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts

Why don’t helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly

My mate had a terrible accident at work. He fell into an industrial grinder. He’s fine now.

‘I hate tacos’ said no Juan ever

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down.

Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? Sure, they’re very scent-imental!

I’m not saying your perfume is too strong. I’m just saying the canary was alive before you got here.

I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates.

Did you know I was bilingual? Yeah I speak English and profanity

What’s it like being in a vacuum cleaner? It sucks

Your mum is so mean, she has no standard deviation
🤓

Why did the Mexican take xanax?
For Hispanic attacks