RIP boiled water. You will be mist.

Woke up on the ground last night, must have fell asleep​.

What did the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here I’m going on a head

How Long is a Chinese man’s name.

No, it actually is.

If two vegans have an argument is it still beef?

What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up

An African-American guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It’s called Nacho Mama.

I poured root beer into a square glass.
Now I just have beer

There are plenty of fish in the sea but until you catch one you’re just stuck here holding your rod…

A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.

Why do all of P-Diddy’s kids have nice hair?
Because Sean Combs

What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nuts are under a buck.

What is Bruce Lee’s favourite drink? Wataaaaahh!

I asked my wife “What do you want me to do with this big roll of bubble wrap?”
She said “Just pop it in the corner”.
It took me 4 hours.

A dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa

What does Batman put in his drink?

Just Ice

How do snakes end a fight?
They hiss and make up

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.