Today a girl said she recognized me from vegetarian club, but I’m sure I’ve never met herbivore.

What do you call people who illegally use restrooms? Squatters.

Queue is just Q followed by four silent letters waiting their turn

What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire? Bernadette

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, “Five beers please.”

My wife says I’m immature. I told her to get out of my fort

I felt so bad today…I saw this sad dog without a tail. Luckily, his owner was taking him to the retail store.

What’s the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse

If pronouncing my b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian, then soviet.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents

What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster.

The plumber told me a hole boring story about pipes.

My dad said, always leave them wanting more.
Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.

Conjunctivitis.com: a site for sore eyes

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

People who sometimes use the wrong words should have the humidity to admit it.

I lost my licence so I bought a vintage Rolls Royce because I thought it came with a driver. It didn’t. So I spent all that money and I’ve got nothing to chauffeur it.

19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.