Relationships between men and women is psychological.
She is psycho and he is logical.

I have a fear of speed bumps. Im slowly getting over it

I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB

I went to a zoo in China last month, all they had in it was a small fluffy dog.
It was a Shitzu.

I’m not lazy… I’m just on my energy saving mode.

I felt so bad today…I saw this sad dog without a tail. Luckily, his owner was taking him to the retail store.

I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.

I’ve just finished reading a book called “How To Give Constructive Criticism.”
It was rubbish.

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t

I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down

I was mugged by an acupuncturist yesterday – the mongrel stabbed me 236 times.
Mind you, when I woke up this morning I felt amazing.

Two dyslexics walk into a bra…

Arguing with my wife is like reading the software licencing agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree”.

Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant.
Dirty Bastards.

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!

It’s bad luck to be superstitious.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran

Becoming a vegetarian was a huge missed steak