What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It’s not hard.

So apparently RSVP’ing back to a wedding invite ‘maybe next time’ isn’t the correct response.

What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral

What part of your body likes to get frisky?
The naked eye

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it

Thank you, my arms, for always being there by my side.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it

What do you call a gay milkman? A Dairy Queen

I used to mix metaphors but that ship has flown.

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was a real tragedy, 100 soles were lost.

I went to a busy pub last night dressed as a tennis ball.
I got served straight away.

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter ‘Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite’.

I’m here for whatever you need me to do… from the couch.

Deja Moo – the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.