I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in your fireplace?
Bernie

Last night me and my wife watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

The Lord of the Rings is basically about a group that spends nine hours returning jewellery

Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

You heard of that new band 1023MB? They’re good but they haven’t got a gig yet.

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.
It was Won Ton.

Someone told me my clothes looked gay..
They did come out of the closet this morning.

37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court.
They will be sentenced next Friday.

Who is the best king fu vegetable?
Brocc Lee

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large

What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.

I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.

Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.

I’m addicted to brake fluid but I can stop whenever I want

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience

Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?