Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.

I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.

Have I told you this deja vu joke before?

“You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation.

I don’t get people who stumble into mirrors. They need to watch themselves.

I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper’s jammin’ again.

Hung a picture up on the wall the other day. Nailed it.

An old man threw out his hip.. What a waist

A man was admitted to hospital with a number of toy horses up his backside. His condition is now stable.

What do vegan dogs eat? Bark

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication

When are holes beautiful? When they’re gorges.

When he proposed to her. She found it very engaging.

Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills

This weight loss website wants me to accept cookies. Hmm…

This guy said to me: “I’m gonna attack you with the neck of my guitar.” I said: “Is that a fret?”

What is the first thing Santa’s elves have to learn?
The Elfabet

What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing.