Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? Sure, they’re very scent-imental!

As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight

I hate those stupid little Russian nesting dolls

they’re so full of themselves

I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

Prison may be just one word. But to some, it’s a whole sentence.

Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.

I got banned from the secret cooking society… For spilling the beans.

You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart

Where do pencils go on vacation? Pencilvania

The only dates I get these days are software updates

I had the most amazing orange the other day

It was a class above the zest

What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.

If canola oil comes from canola, where does baby oil come from?

What do pimps and farmers have in common? They both need a hoe to stay in business

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

I wanted to watch the world origami championship on TV but it was only on paper view.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.