#655

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?
Letโ€™s go play on our bikes

#123

I just saw a sign that made me wet myself.
It said “Bathroom Closed”.

#227

I asked my wife for “something Cuban” for my birthday, and she got me a Che Guevara shirt.

Clothes, but no cigar.

#380

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing

#284

When life gives you melons, youโ€™re probably dyslexic.

#446

My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.

#748

It’s better to have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

#836

Good news for all you narcoleptics. Only 300 sleeps till Christmas!

#444

Can a woman make you a millionaire?
Yes, if you’re a billionaire

#621

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran

#612

My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was told by my boss that employees needed to go to the meeting room before every shift. I asked why. He said, “Assembly required.”

#741

What does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles

#592

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

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