#845
When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble
#424
If procrastionation was an Olympic sport, I’d compete in it later.
#881
If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.
#770
What do you call a bird who drinks too much?
An owlcoholic
#789
Why couldn’t the bell pass his music test?
He was a dumbbell
#740
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
#674
I haven’t slept for three days, because that would be too long.
#30
I was addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around
#393
Why did the Higgs Boson go to church?
For the mass
#897
What is the first thing Santa’s elves have to learn?
The Elfabet
#491
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.
#820
What did the cleaner say as he jumped out of the closet?
SUPPLIES!
#632
If you’re looking for quality, never buy fireworks from a guy with more than seven fingers.
#621
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran
#637
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
-Librarians arguing
#113
I got a sext from a redhead: “I’m all alone. Come over. Bring protection.” I took SPF50.
#751
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.