How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?
Let’s go play on our bikes

Age is just the number of hours I’m hungover for.

I just saw a sign that made me wet myself.
It said “Bathroom Closed”.

I asked my wife for “something Cuban” for my birthday, and she got me a Che Guevara shirt.

Clothes, but no cigar.

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing

When life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.

My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.

It’s better to have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

What’s the leading cause of dry skin? Towels

Can a woman make you a millionaire?
Yes, if you’re a billionaire

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran

My first day on the job at an IKEA store, I was told by my boss that employees needed to go to the meeting room before every shift. I asked why. He said, “Assembly required.”

What does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.