#692
The other night I had a knife in one hand and a block of colby in the other…
I told the kids to leave the room before I cut the cheese.
#784
What do you call a business cow?
An entrepe-moo-er
#822
This next song is about subtraction
“Take it away boys!”
#574
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
#254
A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”
#389
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels
#872
What did the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here I’m going on a head
#831
I was having a dip at the swimming pool when the lifeguard asked, “What have you got there?” I said “Tzatziki”.
#481
I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper’s jammin’ again.
#518
We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon.
#629
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in your fireplace?
Bernie
#660
I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first but by the end I kinda liked it
#113
I got a sext from a redhead: “I’m all alone. Come over. Bring protection.” I took SPF50.
#117
Police are looking for a guy who threatens his victims with a lit match.
They need to catch him before he strikes again
#205
I’m trying to write jokes about unemployed people, but they need more work
#260
What’s the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse
#194
A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work.