How many Emo kids does it take to change a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I’m seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say I’m really disappointed.

What do you call a guy with a car on his head?
Jack

Last night me and my wife watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras.
I still have flashbacks

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

I don’t think it’s possible for me to become a sniper. Not by a long shot.

Did you hear about the theme park ride made entirely out of iron?
It was a ferrous wheel

A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. ‘Are you the friar?’ he asks. ‘No. I’m the chip monk,’ he replies.

What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison

Becoming a vegetarian was a huge missed steak

What do you call a wandering caveman? A meanderthal.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

The first rule of Alzheimer’s club, is don’t talk about chess club

The funeral for the man who invented Chinese whispers will be held on Monday. Pass it on.

What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nuts are under a buck.