#751
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
So apparently RSVP’ing back to a wedding invite ‘maybe next time’ isn’t the correct response.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
A handicapped guy stole my wallet.
He can hide but he can’t run
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, “This taste funny to you?”
My wife told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.
I said “No wait, I can change!”
Best Summer Vacation Book Never Written: “Where to Stay on Vacation” by Moe Tell.
What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
How many Emo kids does it take to change a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry
I didn’t like my beard at first but then it grew on me.
I’m not lazy… I’m just on my energy saving mode.
My dad was dyslexic. Whenever I swore when growing up, heโd wash my mouth out with soup.
I remember last summer I was so excited when the water restrictions were lifted I wet my plants.
I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says, “The Titanic is syncing”
I said to a mate, โWhat’s your pet hate?”
He said, โHe doesn’t like it when the vet puts a thermometer up his butt”.
Puts the car into reverse.
“Ah, this takes me back”
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.