#891

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates.

#756

What do you call people who illegally use restrooms? Squatters.

#280

What’s the difference between voyeurs and thieves? Thieves snatch your watch.

#613

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”

#865

What happened to the cannibal that was late to dinner?
He was given the cold shoulder

#425

One day you’re the next best thing to sliced bread.
The next, you’re toast.

#568

What do you call someone who sells their body for a bowl of spaghetti? A pastatute!

#704

Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?

#268

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

#383

How many south Americans does it take to change a light bulb? A Brazilian

#477

Want to get noticed?
Go jogging without moving your arms.

#500

Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’

#861

How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree? Wave.

#87

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

#677

My budgie broke his leg so I made him a tiny splint out of a couple of matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk.

Back to top