When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?

Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.

What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

“Do these genes make me look fat?”

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

My dad said, always leave them wanting more.
Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.

An SEO guy walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, hotel, public house, brew house, beer hall, bodega, izakaya

What’s the worst vegetable to eat on a boat?
Leek

I don’t think it’s possible for me to become a sniper. Not by a long shot.

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny..

I’m looking for the girl next door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.

Say what you want about deaf people…

My wife told me I was average, I think she’s mean.

Where does Buzz Lightyear go furniture shopping at? Bed, Bath, and BEYOND!

Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’

What do dinosaurs pay their bills with?
Tyrannosaurus Cheques

My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

I’ve just finished reading a book called “How To Give Constructive Criticism.”
It was rubbish.

My boss told me I intimidate my coworkers so I just stared at him until he apologised

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”