What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds

What’s the worst thing about ancient history class?
The teachers tend to Babylon

What do you call a gay milkman? A Dairy Queen

What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.

Someone threw a bottle of Omega-3 pills at me. Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil.

What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wasabi

Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’

How does an evil cow laugh? Moohaha

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

My dad always told me “Don’t be quick to find faults”.
Good man, terrible geologist.

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it

If canola oil comes from canola, where does baby oil come from?

The police came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5 . I told them pre school.

Is it bad to tell knock knock jokes to homeless people?

Why did the mobile phone need glasses?
It lost all its contacts

If you’re looking for quality, never buy fireworks from a guy with more than seven fingers.

I was lonely so I bought some shares. It’s nice to have a bit of company

I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.

My neighbour is a stripper and a coeliac which is tough because she can only jump out of certain cakes.