What do you call a sketchy Italian neighbourhood?
A Spaghetto

What do you call dental x-rays?
Tooth pics

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

In any argument, a wife has the last word. Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?

Why should you never trust a train?
They have loco motives

Why did the Higgs Boson go to church?
For the mass

Prison may be just one word. But to some, it’s a whole sentence.

What’s long and hard and has cum in it?
A cucumber

I saw a bishop the other day. Wondered why he wasn’t walking diagonally

Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells

What do you call someone who sells their body for a bowl of spaghetti? A pastatute!

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon.

There are so many scams on the Internet these days…. but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.

I was playing Frisbee with my dog in the park today, but it didn’t go well.
I think I need to get a flatter dog.