Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.

I’ve bought my son a huge wooden horse for Christmas.

I got it from ‘Troys R Us.’

What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.

I went to a zoo in China last month, all they had in it was a small fluffy dog.
It was a Shitzu.

What do you call a guy covered in leaves?
Russell

What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
A spectater

I’ve just finished reading a book called “How To Give Constructive Criticism.”
It was rubbish.

What do pimps and farmers have in common? They both need a hoe to stay in business

A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, “Five beers please.”

I’m close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet, I don’t know y

I asked my wife for “something Cuban” for my birthday, and she got me a Che Guevara shirt.

Clothes, but no cigar.

It’s bad luck to be superstitious.

What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn’t moved a muscle in over a year?
Atrophy.

Did you know that Snoop Dogg’s sister is a stripper?
She wears nothing but a g-string baby

Did you hear about the theme park ride made entirely out of iron?
It was a ferrous wheel