A photon checked into a hotel, the staff asked “Hello Mr. Photon, can I help you with your bags?” The photon replied, “No thanks, I’m traveling light.”


There are 2 rules for success:
1. Don’t tell all you know.


Yeah, it was on Fry Day, I can’t believe they got killed for the halibut. No motive, someone should seas the culprit. I’m crabby bout it all


I burnt My Hawaiian pizza today…

I should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature


I was having a dip at the swimming pool when the lifeguard asked, “What have you got there?” I said “Tzatziki”.


When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a woman’s body.
Then I was born


My friend just got a job at the zoo, circumcising elephants. The pay isn’t great but he gets huge tips.


Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was a real tragedy, 100 soles were lost.


There are plenty of fish in the sea but until you catch one you’re just stuck here holding your rod…


Give a Nigerian a fish he’ll eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he’ll become a prince and start e-mailing people


A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.


Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn’t change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction


What do pimps and farmers have in common? They both need a hoe to stay in business


I was ordering birthday cake over phone.
They asked “And what would you like the cake to say?”
I covered phone to ask my wife. “Do we want a talking cake?”


This next song is about subtraction
“Take it away boys!”

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