#442
I’m hosting a marathon for people with chronic diarrhea. It’s a run for the runs
I’m hosting a marathon for people with chronic diarrhea. It’s a run for the runs
I’m not passive aggressive. Unlike some people.
I bought my friend an elephant for their room.
They said “thank you”
I said “Don’t mention it”
I know Jiu-Jitsu, Sambo, Judo, Aikido and lots of other scary words.
Mountains aren’t just funny
They’re hill areas
I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.
I’m here for whatever you need me to do… from the couch.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
I decided to make my password “incorrect” because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me,
“Your password is incorrect.”
Where do pencils go on vacation? Pencilvania
I called the vet to complain about a bill. He just put the phone down. As quickly and humanely as possible.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn’t change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction
What’s an epileptics favourite food? Seizure salad
I got banned from a secret cooking society for spilling the beans
Currently the flower business is blooming.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.
My wife said that if I don’t get off my computer and do the dishes she’ll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she’s jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn
I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment. It’s a whisk I was willing to take.