My wife said that if I don’t get off my computer and do the dishes she’ll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she’s jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn

What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing.

Is it bad to tell knock knock jokes to homeless people?

Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser?
He got the sack

My wifi has stopped working. Turns out our neighbours hadn’t paid the bill. Tightarses.

I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban from the zoo

What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and its cold

I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do

I, for one, like Roman numerals

The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common

Fixing broken windows is a pane in the glass.

Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

What did the cow say to her calf?
It’s pasture bed time

I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says, “The Titanic is syncing”

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.