A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

Queue is just Q followed by four silent letters waiting their turn

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said ‘concentrate’.

My budgie broke his leg so I made him a tiny splint out of a couple of matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk.

‘I hate tacos’ said no Juan ever

Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees

A giraffe walks into a bar. “Sorry”, said the barman, “We don’t serve Heineken here.”

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Anette

My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.

I wanted to watch the world origami championship on TV but it was only on paper view.

I miss my umbilical cord. Must have grown attached to it

It’d be frustrating if you seriously couldn’t find your friend Marco at a crowded swimming pool.

Someone threw a bottle of Omega-3 pills at me. Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil.

What do ducks wear to weddings? Duxedos

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down.

The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common

An old man threw out his hip.. What a waist