Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees

‘I hate tacos’ said no Juan ever

I remember last summer I was so excited when the water restrictions were lifted I wet my plants.

What’s the internal temperature of a Tauntaun?
Luke warm

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

One day you’re the next best thing to sliced bread.
The next, you’re toast.

Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn’t change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator.

What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn’t moved a muscle in over a year?
Atrophy.

What’s the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?

Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.
One yells to the other, ‘How do you get to the other side?’
The other blonde replies, ‘You are on the other side!’

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and its cold

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter ‘Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite’.

Me: Go to sleep before the monsters get you.
Daughter: Monsters aren’t real.
Me: You sound like your sister.
Daughter: Sister?
Me: I’ve said too much already…

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store.
It was quite an oar deal.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory