How many south Americans does it take to change a light bulb? A Brazilian


I’m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I’m outstanding.


What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster.


I was mugged by an acupuncturist yesterday – the mongrel stabbed me 236 times.
Mind you, when I woke up this morning I felt amazing.


I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.


What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?


Did you know that Snoop Dogg’s sister is a stripper?
She wears nothing but a g-string baby


Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.


I quit my job at the helium gas factory, I refuse to be talked to in that tone of voice!


My wife was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!”

“Doc, what’s wrong with my wife?” I asked.

“Nothing” he said. “She’s just having contractions.”


Why do all of P-Diddy’s kids have nice hair?
Because Sean Combs


I have a stepladder. Because my real ladder left when I was a kid

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