#383

How many south Americans does it take to change a light bulb? A Brazilian

#299

I’m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I’m outstanding.

#158

What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster.

#148

I was mugged by an acupuncturist yesterday – the mongrel stabbed me 236 times.
Mind you, when I woke up this morning I felt amazing.

#459

I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.

#703

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?
Art

#367

Did you know that Snoop Dogg’s sister is a stripper?
She wears nothing but a g-string baby

#264

Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

#604

I quit my job at the helium gas factory, I refuse to be talked to in that tone of voice!

#597

My wife was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!”

“Doc, what’s wrong with my wife?” I asked.

“Nothing” he said. “She’s just having contractions.”

#366

Why do all of P-Diddy’s kids have nice hair?
Because Sean Combs

#384

I have a stepladder. Because my real ladder left when I was a kid

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