I met my wife at an Arthritis support meeting.
You know when two people just click.


I thought I understood the meaning of “When Pigs Fly” but then… the swine flu.


I’m thinking of selling my John Lennon memorabilia on eBay.
Imagine all the PayPal.


I have a fear of speed bumps. Im slowly getting over it


I poured root beer into a square glass.
Now I just have beer


What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.


I got called pretty yesterday and it felt good!

Actually, the full sentence was “you’re pretty annoying” but I’m choosing to focus on the positive


Dad: Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime artist
Son: Was it something I said?
Dad: Yes


What do PCs and air conditioners have in common?
They both become useless when you open windows


I have only seen people underwhelmed or overwhelmed, never whelmed properly.


My kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.

it’s all fun and games until someone loses an i.


Blonde: “What does IDK mean?”

Brunette: “I don’t know.”

Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”


For a short while, my uncle was a world famous chainsaw juggler. But not for being good at it. I miss uncle Stump.

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