#238
Let’s hope the new Jurassic world movie isn’t a train Rex of a film.
Let’s hope the new Jurassic world movie isn’t a train Rex of a film.
Can’t believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in
Someone says to his friend: “I bought a cat” And the other: “You have to be kitten me!”
I’ve decided to sell my Hoover … well, it was just collecting dust
When are holes beautiful? When they’re gorges.
1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.
One day you’re the next best thing to sliced bread.
The next, you’re toast.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag is a big plus
I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.
Woke up on the ground last night, must have fell asleep​.
Why did Santa’s helper get depressed?
He had low elf esteem
Why dont blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
I met my wife at an Arthritis support meeting.
You know when two people just click.
A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says “make me one with everything”
Where does Buzz Lightyear go furniture shopping at? Bed, Bath, and BEYOND!