Why did the chicken go to a séance? To communicate with the other side

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up

Somebody ripped a whole bunch of pages out of my dictionary. It just goes from bad to worse

Why do blonde girls walk in groups of odd numbers? Because they can’t even!

So this bloke just came up to me & said i’ve just spilt my scrabble set on the road. I asked “Whats the word on the street?”

What do you call a woman with no legs? Nolene

“Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, ‘Do you know why I can’t be buried there?’ And we all say, ‘Why not?’ And he says, ‘Because I’m not dead yet!’”

I imagine a handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.

Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.

My dad used to say “Always fight fire with fire.” Probably explains why he was thrown out of the fire brigade

Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?

What did the cow say to her calf?
It’s pasture bed time

Velociraptor = Distance raptor / Time raptor

I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.

Have I told you this deja vu joke before?