#820
What did the cleaner say as he jumped out of the closet?
SUPPLIES!

What did the cleaner say as he jumped out of the closet?
SUPPLIES!
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram
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-Librarians arguing
My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!
Behind every angry woman is man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong
He’s street smart. Sesame Street smart.
When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras.
I still have flashbacks
Wish I was a dolphin. Then I’d have a porpoise in life
What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending
What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data
When does a sandwich cook?
When it’s bakin lettuce and tomato
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally!
I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous!
I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.
There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
I said to a mate, “What’s your pet hate?”
He said, “He doesn’t like it when the vet puts a thermometer up his butt”.