#238

Let’s hope the new Jurassic world movie isn’t a train Rex of a film.

#434

Can’t believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in

#742

Someone says to his friend: “I bought a cat” And the other: “You have to be kitten me!”

#318

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover … well, it was just collecting dust

#517

1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.

#425

One day you’re the next best thing to sliced bread.
The next, you’re toast.

#294

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

#193

What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag is a big plus

#82

I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

#859

Woke up on the ground last night, must have fell asleep​.

#898

Why did Santa’s helper get depressed?
He had low elf esteem

#350

Why dont blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.

#545

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

#138

I met my wife at an Arthritis support meeting.
You know when two people just click.

#309

A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says “make me one with everything”

#768

Where does Buzz Lightyear go furniture shopping at? Bed, Bath, and BEYOND!

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