#820
What did the cleaner say as he jumped out of the closet?
SUPPLIES!
#14
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram
#637
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
-Librarians arguing
#508
My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!
#448
Behind every angry woman is man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong
#654
He’s street smart. Sesame Street smart.
#588
When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras.
I still have flashbacks
#819
Wish I was a dolphin. Then I’d have a porpoise in life
#890
What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending
#894
What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data
#423
When does a sandwich cook?
When it’s bakin lettuce and tomato
#652
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere
#543
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally!
#653
I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous!
#92
I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.
#183
There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
#835
I said to a mate, “What’s your pet hate?”
He said, “He doesn’t like it when the vet puts a thermometer up his butt”.
