#640

My dad was dyslexic. Whenever I swore when growing up, he’d wash my mouth out with soup.

#262

Why do blonde girls walk in groups of odd numbers? Because they can’t even!

#340

Face is a four letter word. But preface is a foreword letter.

#669

What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken

#197

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was a real tragedy, 100 soles were lost.

#100

Relationships between men and women is psychological.
She is psycho and he is logical.

#443

Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.

#543

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally!

#151

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

#868

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

#724

What do you call a guy no arms no legs in the mail box? Bill.

#632

If you’re looking for quality, never buy fireworks from a guy with more than seven fingers.

#198

Puts the car into reverse.
“Ah, this takes me back”

#885

A horse walks into a bar. Several patrons get up and leave as they recognise the potential danger in the situation

#220

My mate had a terrible accident a while ago. He fell into an Upholstering Machine.

He’s fully recovered now though.

#125

My party trick is swallowing two peices of string and an hour later they come out of my arse tied together. I shit you knot.

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