#829

Dad: Did you hear about the Orca at Sea World?
Son: Nope.
Dad: You didn’t? Oh whale.

#728

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I’m seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say I’m really disappointed.

#526

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

#129

My ex-wife is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me. I want to say hello but there’s just too much history between us.

#668

I am frustrated than a dragon trying to blow out candles.

#211

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!”

#864

I’m having an introvert party and you’re all not invited.

#812

What kind of lights did Noah use for his ark?
Floodlights

#672

If canola oil comes from canola, where does baby oil come from?

#59

The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common

#322

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the toilet? Because it has a silent p

#725

Queue is just Q followed by four silent letters waiting their turn

#53

I only trust people who like big butts. They cannot lie.

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