#898

Why did Santaโ€™s helper get depressed?
He had low elf esteem

#253

37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court.
They will be sentenced next Friday.

#867

I can cut down a tree just by looking at it. Itโ€™s true. I saw it with my own eyes

#232

At breakfast this morning, my wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.

I almost choked on my #Brown.

#382

Statistically speaking, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy

#533

An African-American guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It’s called Nacho Mama.

#299

I’m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I’m outstanding.

#497

Doing things that you are not supposed to do at work makes your vision, hearing and alertness much better.

#226

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

#402

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear quite bright โ€“ until you hear them talk.

#490

Several guys are sitting around having a drink and one guy says “My wife’s an angel” another guy says “Your lucky, mines still alive.”

#587

Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realised he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.

#205

I’m trying to write jokes about unemployed people, but they need more work

#888

I miss my umbilical cord. Must have grown attached to it

#757

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. We didn’t see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.

#302

Why is life in North Korea so hard? Because North Korea lost its Seoul.

#70

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”

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