My honey farmer friend has a thing for big butts. I suppose Booty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

What do you call someone who sells their body for a bowl of spaghetti? A pastatute!

“Jesus loves you.”

A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

I miss my umbilical cord. Must have grown attached to it

When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Anette

If you’re here for the yodeling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.

I quit my job at the helium gas factory, I refuse to be talked to in that tone of voice!

Doctor, I feel like a wigwam and a teepee. Trouble is, you’re too tense.

It puzzles me that a bra is singular and panties are plural.

One of the elves left the North Pole to join a gang and sell drugs.
He’s a rebel without a Claus

My wife says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. Well, she’s in for a shock!

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.