#425
One day you’re the next best thing to sliced bread.
The next, you’re toast.
One day you’re the next best thing to sliced bread.
The next, you’re toast.
What do you call a wolf that knows whatβs going on?
Awarewolf
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors it would be called chicken sedan.
What kind of train eats a lot?
A chew chew train
People who sometimes use the wrong words should have the humidity to admit it.
I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wasabi
If a blind woman tells you your penis is big, she’s probably just pulling your leg
I have a fear of speed bumps. Im slowly getting over it
Me: Go to sleep before the monsters get you.
Daughter: Monsters aren’t real.
Me: You sound like your sister.
Daughter: Sister?
Me: I’ve said too much already…
What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
Synonym rolls
What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing.
I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
It’s shift work.
Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?
I was playing Frisbee with my dog in the park today, but it didn’t go well.
I think I need to get a flatter dog.
My budgie broke his leg so I made him a tiny splint out of a couple of matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk.
What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* “damn” and a skydiver goes “damn” *whack*
What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg? Hop in.