Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Those long face jokes are so mean. Let me buy you a drink”

A man was admitted to hospital with a number of toy horses up his backside. His condition is now stable.

What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

“Do these genes make me look fat?”

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do

When my wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down

If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?

What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his butt?
Warren

Fixing broken windows is a pane in the glass.

I’m not saying your perfume is too strong. I’m just saying the canary was alive before you got here.

The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest

A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.

I can cut down a tree just by looking at it. It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes

Why did Barbie never get pregnant?
Because Ken always came in another box.

This guy said to me: “I’m gonna attack you with the neck of my guitar.” I said: “Is that a fret?”

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

My boss told me I intimidate my coworkers so I just stared at him until he apologised

Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Sein.

I miss my umbilical cord. Must have grown attached to it