#754

Someone threw a bottle of Omega-3 pills at me. Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil.

#302

Why is life in North Korea so hard? Because North Korea lost its Seoul.

#8

I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

#38

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t

#517

1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.

#96

They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for!

#813

What do ballerinas take for transportation?
A tutu train

#319

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again

#474

Do not argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

#303

There was a snake crossing a highway and a truck ran over its ass. The snake went back to get its ass and a truck ran over its head. The moral of the story is, “Don’t lose your head over a piece of ass.”

#481

I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper’s jammin’ again.

#56

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

#542

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

#149

I used to be a carpenter until I accidentally sat on my hammer, now I have hammeroids.

#329

My friend has got a butler who only has one arm.
Serves him right.

#897

What is the first thing Santa’s elves have to learn?
The Elfabet

#58

I don’t know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.

#780

Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

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