#894
What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data
What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data
What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.
They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for!
My dad used to be a human cannonball in the circus. They’ve never found another man of his caliber
I got banned from the secret cooking society… For spilling the beans.
My cat has just recovered from a massive stroke
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
I met my wife at an Arthritis support meeting.
You know when two people just click.
I thought I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagine asian
What grows under your nose?
Tulips
I couldn’t get in to the library last night.
It was over booked.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.
Counting in binary is as easy as 01 10 11
If procrastionation was an Olympic sport, I’d compete in it later.
“Give me a sentence about a public servant” the teacher instructed her second-grade student.
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant” he answered.
“Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?”
“Yes” said the boy. “It means carrying a child”
I was having a dip at the swimming pool when the lifeguard asked, “What have you got there?” I said “Tzatziki”.
How does an evil cow laugh? Moohaha
What do you call a bee with a low buzz?
A mumblebee