#175

Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat

#165

A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. ‘Are you the friar?’ he asks. ‘No. I’m the chip monk,’ he replies.

#580

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line

#438

People are making end of the world jokes like there is no tomorrow.

#658

I may not be getting lucky tonight, but I’m definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.

#807

If Tinkerbell had a Mexican sister what would her name be?
Taco Bell

#18

Last night me and my wife watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

#482

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”

#49

An SEO guy walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, hotel, public house, brew house, beer hall, bodega, izakaya

#495

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

#708

What did the blanket say as it fell of the bed?
Oh sheet

#644

Scared the postman today by going to the door naked.
I’m not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

#138

I met my wife at an Arthritis support meeting.
You know when two people just click.

#533

An African-American guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It’s called Nacho Mama.

#634

I imagine a handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.

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