#294

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

#140

When my blonde neighbour asked me if I knew about items missing from her clothesline I nearly wet her pants.

#523

I gave all my dead batteries away today…
free of charge

#734

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive?
It was a grave mistake.

#441

My wife said that if I don’t get off my computer and do the dishes she’ll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she’s jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn

#386

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s time consuming

#206

Is it bad to tell knock knock jokes to homeless people?

#137

“You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation.

#277

It’s been 2 days since I’ve had McDonald’s, I’m getting the shakes… and the fries.

#738

30 seconds left on the microwave.
Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone.
Men: do the space shuttle countdown.

#361

What’s Michael Jackson’s favourite painting?
Sha-Mona Lisa

#18

Last night me and my wife watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

#55

What do PCs and air conditioners have in common?
They both become useless when you open windows

#741

What does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles

#311

Iā€™m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.

#353

Did you hear about the murder at the fish shop the other day!!

2 fish got battered to death

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