An atheist, a vegan and a Crossfitter walk into a bar. I only know because they told everyone within the first three minutes.

Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
Shhh!
-Librarians arguing

If a stranger offers you a piece of candy…take two.

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and its cold

Have I told you this deja vu joke before?

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, “This taste funny to you?”

An old man threw out his hip.. What a waist

What do people wear in a trench? Trench coats.

There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her condition, but she’s not out of the woods yet.

My wife broke up with me because of my gambling. All I can think of is how to win her back.

I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs. He wasn’t happy

Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

I bought a cuckoo clock at an army disposals store. Last night at ten o’clock the bird chirped 2200 times.

What do you call a king’s fart?
Noble gas.

Where did Mary go after the explosion?
Everywhere

My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.