A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says “make me one with everything”

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour.

And the best neckwear award goes to…
Oh wait. It’s a tie.

My dad used to say “Always fight fire with fire.” Probably explains why he was thrown out of the fire brigade

Yeah, it was on Fry Day, I can’t believe they got killed for the halibut. No motive, someone should seas the culprit. I’m crabby bout it all

What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn’t moved a muscle in over a year?
Atrophy.

Why do husbands die before their wives? They want to.

If a blind woman tells you your penis is big, she’s probably just pulling your leg

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

I didn’t like my beard at first but then it grew on me.

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?
Let’s go play on our bikes

My friend David lost his ID.

So now I call him Dav.

How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced?.

A buccaneer

Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realised he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.

What do you call a magic dog? A Labracadabrador.

I swear to drunk I’m not god but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school and don’t do vegetables

This guy just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of his penis. Definitely won’t be shagging one of those again

I bought a cuckoo clock at an army disposals store. Last night at ten o’clock the bird chirped 2200 times.