Fixing broken windows is a pane in the glass.

Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reckons I am dishlexic.

i thought i got a type a in blood test but it was actually a typ-o

Sheepdog: All 50 sheep are accounted for, boss.
Farmer: But I only had 49?
Sheepdog: Yeah I know. I rounded them up.

I’m not lazy… I’m just on my energy saving mode.

I stayed up all night to find out where the sun went, then it dawned on me…

Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? Because he was a fungi.

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

Do you know why i make puns?
its my respunsibility.

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden..
The plot thickens.

What do you call a woman with no legs? Nolene

My friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water. I think he meant well.

What do you call a magic dog? A Labracadabrador.

What do you call a pastry with diamonds? A stud muffin

What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn’t moved a muscle in over a year?
Atrophy.

What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg? Hop in.

So this bloke just came up to me & said i’ve just spilt my scrabble set on the road. I asked “Whats the word on the street?”

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store.
It was quite an oar deal.

I have only seen people underwhelmed or overwhelmed, never whelmed properly.