I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again

I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.

Why do blonde girls walk in groups of odd numbers? Because they can’t even!

What do you call a magic dog? A Labracadabrador.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot

Why don’t helicopters fly in the morning? Twirly

It puzzles me that a bra is singular and panties are plural.

I’d like to thank the girl with no sports bra who ran with me through the last few miles of yesterday’s marathon.

Your lack of support got me through

What was the demon arrested for?
Possession

What do you call a gay milkman? A Dairy Queen

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”

What’s the leading cause of dry skin? Towels

Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day? Sure, they’re very scent-imental!

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”

The police came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5 . I told them pre school.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up

Me: Mmm, you’ve dimmed the lights. I like where this is going.
Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.

I can only tell you a bad chemistry joke because all the good ones Argon