There are so many scams on the Internet these days…. but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.

What did the bra say to the hat?
You go on a head I’m gonna give these two a lift

I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia?
She whispered, “They’re behind you”.

Currently the flower business is blooming.

Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag is a big plus

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. We didn’t see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.

Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realised he loves sticks. I was burning a giant pile of his toys.

What does a baby computer call his dad?
Data

What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire

What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Our cat coughed up furballs all over the carpet. I wouldn’t mind but Furballs was our hamster.

I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.

Did you hear about the houses falling in love? It was a lawn-distance relationship.

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?
Let’s go play on our bikes

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

“Give me a sentence about a public servant” the teacher instructed her second-grade student.
“The fireman came down the ladder pregnant” he answered.
“Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?”
“Yes” said the boy. “It means carrying a child”

At what age do you think it’s appropriate to tell a highway it’s adopted?

When a woman says “what!?” it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s just giving you a chance to change what you said