How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.

What do PCs and air conditioners have in common?
They both become useless when you open windows

I swear to drunk I’m not god but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school and don’t do vegetables

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.

My wife asked me to join her for yoga class. I said “Namaste home”

My cousin drowned. At his funeral we laid a life jacket on his coffin.
It’s what he would have wanted.

How many south Americans does it take to change a light bulb? A Brazilian

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

What did the cow say to her calf?
It’s pasture bed time

My wife’s mad because I paid for my dope out of our joint account. I thought that was why we had it.

My budgie broke his leg so I made him a tiny splint out of a couple of matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk.

I got into a fight with my boner this morning. Don’t worry, I beat it single handedly

My annual performance review says I lack “passion & intensity”, guess management hasn’t seen me alone with a Big Mac.

When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble

An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.

I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving

What to say to a hitch-hiker with just one leg? Hop in.

My jokes are still in alpha

Hopefully soon they’ll get beta