I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech’ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter ‘Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite’.

Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

I’m trying to write jokes about unemployed people, but they need more work

Is it bad to tell knock knock jokes to homeless people?

If procrastionation was an Olympic sport, I’d compete in it later.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

Clones are people two

Doctor, I feel like a wigwam and a teepee. Trouble is, you’re too tense.

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

I was in a bar when a waitress shouted “ANYONE KNOW CPR?”
I said “I know the whole alphabet!”.
Everyone laughed, except this one guy.

Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment.

How does a whale defend itself?
With a swordfish

What do you call a guy with his legs cut off at the knees?
Neil

There are 2 rules for success:
1. Don’t tell all you know.

Nobody’s perfect. I’m a nobody.

Prison may be just one word. But to some, it’s a whole sentence.