#44
A man was admitted to hospital with a number of toy horses up his backside. His condition is now stable.
#586
As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight
#265
What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large
#158
What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster.
#239
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.
#429
A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.
#838
Arriving to meet a blind date:
Her: OMG! You actually wore pyjamas on a first date?
Me: Hang on a minute, you’re not blind!!
#785
My wife hates Oasis and asked me to stop singing Wonderwall.
I said maybe
#229
Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reckons I am dishlexic.
#353
Did you hear about the murder at the fish shop the other day!!
2 fish got battered to death
#796
My mate just got fired from the mint factory.
His wife went absolutely menthol
#136
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewellery. To be fair, I didn’t even know she sold jewellery.
#814
What do you call a wolf that knows what’s going on?
Awarewolf
#379
Shout out to my grandma…
That’s the only way she can hear
#392
What did the electrician say when he got shocked?
That hertz.
#843
I hate gravity, it always gets me down
#764
What do vegan dogs eat? Bark
#687
How did the farmer find his wife?
He tractor down.
#302
Why is life in North Korea so hard? Because North Korea lost its Seoul.
#185
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.