#619
Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.
Adult: Someone who has stopped growing at both ends and now grows in the middle.
I didn’t like my beard at first but then it grew on me.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying βOoh, I love how smooth it isβ
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
There’s no “i” in denial
What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off
I gave all my dead batteries away today…
free of charge
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave until itβs Bill Withers.
So this bloke just came up to me & said i’ve just spilt my scrabble set on the road. I asked “Whats the word on the street?”
What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
Fixing broken windows is a pane in the glass.
Somebody ripped a whole bunch of pages out of my dictionary. It just goes from bad to worse
If procrastionation was an Olympic sport, I’d compete in it later.
A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.
What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison
I bet the butcher $50 that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”
My ex-wife has lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.
Did you know that one of the Knights of the Round Table collected taxes?
His name was Sir Charge