One of the elves left the North Pole to join a gang and sell drugs.
He’s a rebel without a Claus

“I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? Because he was a fungi.

Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

The police came to my house and asked where I was between 3 and 5 . I told them pre school.

Why did the Mexican take xanax?
For Hispanic attacks

What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire? Bernadette

I was watching a marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was a real tragedy, 100 soles were lost.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

My friend David lost his ID.

So now I call him Dav.

A Spanish magician wanted to do a trick. He covered himself with a blanket and counted “Uno… dos…” and he vanished without a tres

I’m in awe. My buddy just used a snail as a key to start up his sedan…

It made escargot.

I hate when people use words without knowing the meaning… gives me a huge hysterectomy on the side of my head.

Thank you student loans for getting me through university. I don’t think I could ever repay you

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

My friend dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water. I think he meant well.

I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. She couldn’t believe it when I rode pasta.