#502

How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.

#556

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. A stone’s throw away, in fact.

#97

I used to be a lifeguard, but this blue kid got me fired.

#789

Why couldn’t the bell pass his music test?
He was a dumbbell

#660

I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first but by the end I kinda liked it

#539

Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills

#574

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

#456

My boss told me I intimidate my coworkers so I just stared at him until he apologised

#815

How do animals hide in the desert?
They use camel-flage.

#471

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

#436

I’d like to thank the girl with no sports bra who ran with me through the last few miles of yesterday’s marathon.

Your lack of support got me through

#278

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

#510

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

#256

Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall? So he could see her crack!

#732

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.

When you swim in a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray.

#770

What do you call a bird who drinks too much?
An owlcoholic

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