And the best neckwear award goes to…
Oh wait. It’s a tie.

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off

I’m having an introvert party and you’re all not invited.

Why should you never trust a train?
They have loco motives

What type of bears live in the north and south poles?
Bi-polar

Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? Because he was a fungi.

My cats gonna sh** when he sees his new litter box I got him for Christmas.

My wife told me I was average, I think she’s mean.

Someone told me my clothes looked gay..
They did come out of the closet this morning.

A Buddhist monk approaches a hot dog stand and says “make me one with everything”

How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.

I’m so introverted I won’t even talk to myself.

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. We didn’t see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan

He’s street smart. Sesame Street smart.

Relationships between men and women is psychological.
She is psycho and he is logical.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”