There was a snake crossing a highway and a truck ran over its ass. The snake went back to get its ass and a truck ran over its head. The moral of the story is, “Don’t lose your head over a piece of ass.”


An SEO guy walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, hotel, public house, brew house, beer hall, bodega, izakaya


My wife is leaving me because I’m going bald.

I’m not bothered, it’s hair loss.


My ex-girlfriend still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.


A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!


The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.


I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.


I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down


What’s the difference between voyeurs and thieves? Thieves snatch your watch.


Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.


What did the NSA analyst say to his co-worker when their female colleague walked past?
“I’d tap that”


I was in a bar when a waitress shouted “ANYONE KNOW CPR?”
I said “I know the whole alphabet!”.
Everyone laughed, except this one guy.


Two soldiers are in a tank.
One looks at the other and says “BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB”


Why does the alcoholic Avon lady walk funny? Because her lips stick.


I’m going on a blind date tonight. I hope our Labradors get on.


Relationships between men and women is psychological.
She is psycho and he is logical.


37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court.
They will be sentenced next Friday.

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