There was a snake crossing a highway and a truck ran over its ass. The snake went back to get its ass and a truck ran over its head. The moral of the story is, “Don’t lose your head over a piece of ass.”

An SEO guy walks into a bar, pub, inn, tavern, hotel, public house, brew house, beer hall, bodega, izakaya

Thank you, my arms, for always being there by my side.

My wife is leaving me because I’m going bald.

I’m not bothered, it’s hair loss.

My ex-girlfriend still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!

The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.

I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down

I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.

What’s the difference between voyeurs and thieves? Thieves snatch your watch.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

What did the NSA analyst say to his co-worker when their female colleague walked past?
“I’d tap that”

I was in a bar when a waitress shouted “ANYONE KNOW CPR?”
I said “I know the whole alphabet!”.
Everyone laughed, except this one guy.

Two soldiers are in a tank.
One looks at the other and says “BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB”

Why does the alcoholic Avon lady walk funny? Because her lips stick.

I’m going on a blind date tonight. I hope our Labradors get on.

When I think of books, I touch my shelf.

Relationships between men and women is psychological.
She is psycho and he is logical.

37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court.
They will be sentenced next Friday.