#502

How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.

#747

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

#126

I joined a dyslexic poetry club. At our first meeting I made a vase and an ashtray.

#767

My dad used to say “Always fight fire with fire.” Probably explains why he was thrown out of the fire brigade

#437

I got banned from a secret cooking society for spilling the beans

#4

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off

#39

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot

#794

What do you call a snake that is 3.14 metres long?
A pi-thon

#508

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

#748

It’s better to have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

#489

In any argument, a wife has the last word. Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.

#553

What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.

#288

I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. She couldn’t believe it when I rode pasta.

#390

Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees

#380

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing

#633

For a short while, my uncle was a world famous chainsaw juggler. But not for being good at it. I miss uncle Stump.

#159

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Sex.

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