Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors it would be called chicken sedan.

“I stand corrected,” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

Why don’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk

What do you call a woman with a toothpick up her butt?
Olive

The first rule of Alzheimer’s club, is don’t talk about chess club

Someone says to his friend: “I bought a cat” And the other: “You have to be kitten me!”

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped his bum.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

What was the demon arrested for?
Possession

Murphy’s law states anything that can go wrong will go wrong, but have you heard of Cole’s law? It’s finely sliced cabbage.

My dad said, always leave them wanting more.
Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.

Today a girl said she recognized me from vegetarian club, but I’m sure I’ve never met herbivore.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

Frankly, auto correct, I’m getting tired of your shirt.

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.

Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory

A philosopher says to a linguist “What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes?”

The linguist replied, “They’d be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.”

I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn.
They said they couldn’t do anything about crows and to stop calling them.