Conjunctivitis.com: a site for sore eyes

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?

My ex-wife is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me. I want to say hello but there’s just too much history between us.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

What did Michael Jackson call his denim store?
Billie Jeans

What do you get when giraffes collide?
A giraffic jam

What do you call somebody with body and just a nose? Nobody nose!

I used to be a lifeguard, but this blue kid got me fired.

What’s the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse

I don’t mind kids playing hopscotch in most places, but my driveway is where I draw the line.

Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying

Wanna hear a potassium joke?
K

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down.

You can’t run through a camping ground. You can only ran, because it’s past tents

When he proposed to her. She found it very engaging.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He’s never gonna give you Up