#742

Someone says to his friend: “I bought a cat” And the other: “You have to be kitten me!”

#138

I met my wife at an Arthritis support meeting.
You know when two people just click.

#443

Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.

#194

A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work.

#251

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped his bum.

#835

I said to a mate, “What’s your pet hate?”
He said, “He doesn’t like it when the vet puts a thermometer up his butt”.

#472

Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant.
Dirty Bastards.

#859

Woke up on the ground last night, must have fell asleep​.

#396

I lost my licence so I bought a vintage Rolls Royce because I thought it came with a driver. It didn’t. So I spent all that money and I’ve got nothing to chauffeur it.

#891

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates.

#864

I’m having an introvert party and you’re all not invited.

#686

I had the most amazing orange the other day

It was a class above the zest

#459

I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.

#391

Someone told me my clothes looked gay..
They did come out of the closet this morning.

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