#146

At an interview:
First question: “Describe yourself in 3 words”
Me: “Not good with numbers”.

#35

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.

#724

What do you call a guy no arms no legs in the mail box? Bill.

#370

The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy so he got out.

#803

When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a woman’s body.
Then I was born

#551

How do mathematicians scold their children?

“If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times …”

#751

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

#493

I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment. It’s a whisk I was willing to take.

#769

I got fired from candle factory because I refused to work wick ends

#759

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.

#377

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

#533

An African-American guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant. It’s called Nacho Mama.

#216

Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors it would be called chicken sedan.

#869

I’m terrified of elevators, and I’m taking steps to avoid them

#260

What’s the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse

#18

Last night me and my wife watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

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