#80
What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?
Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nuts are under a buck.
#808
My friend has been a limo driver for 25 years and has never had a customer.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it
#819
Wish I was a dolphin. Then I’d have a porpoise in life
#11
A handicapped guy stole my wallet.
He can hide but he can’t run
#140
When my blonde neighbour asked me if I knew about items missing from her clothesline I nearly wet her pants.
#119
Two dyslexics walk into a bra…
#837
I asked my wife “What do you want me to do with this big roll of bubble wrap?”
She said “Just pop it in the corner”.
It took me 4 hours.
#69
When Jay-Z got engaged, did he call her his Feyonce?
#461
I’m pretty sober.
But I’m prettier drunk
#678
My dad always told me “Don’t be quick to find faults”.
Good man, terrible geologist.
#62
I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down
#322
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the toilet? Because it has a silent p
#139
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.
#714
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s butt?
A mechanic!
#67
What has four letters
#181
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
#141
I just found out that the guy who stole my private diary has died.
My thoughts are with his family.
#485
My wife said I never listen to her. Or something like that.
#346
My wife says I’m too impulsive. But what the hell does she know? She only met me yesterday.
#803
When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a woman’s body.
Then I was born
