#594
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, “This taste funny to you?”
#649
Why did Barbie never get pregnant?
Because Ken always came in another box.
#495
A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.
#47
Two peanuts walked down the street. One of them was a salted
#900
I was walking my dog through the cemetery when I saw a guy crouching behind a gravestone.
I said “Morning”. He said, “No, just having a sh**”.
#725
Queue is just Q followed by four silent letters waiting their turn
#766
Where do pencils go on vacation? Pencilvania
#835
I said to a mate, “What’s your pet hate?”
He said, “He doesn’t like it when the vet puts a thermometer up his butt”.
#300
Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise.
#267
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
#638
Me: Mmm, you’ve dimmed the lights. I like where this is going.
Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
#582
I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.
#254
A guy goes to a doctor because he’s got a strawberry growing out of his chest. The doctor looks and examines and finally says, “Let me give you some cream to put on it.”
#405
The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Resturant In Peace.
#711
I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs.
#433
So apparently RSVP’ing back to a wedding invite ‘maybe next time’ isn’t the correct response.
#701
What kind of train eats a lot?
A chew chew train
#92
I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.
#463
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
#215
White boards are remarkable