Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.

A Spanish magician wanted to do a trick. He covered himself with a blanket and counted “Uno… dos…” and he vanished without a tres

Why did Barbie never get pregnant?
Because Ken always came in another box.

Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.

Relationships between men and women is psychological.
She is psycho and he is logical.

What do you call a guy with his legs cut off at the knees?
Neil

There are so many scams on the Internet these days…. but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.

Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?

One of the elves left the North Pole to join a gang and sell drugs.
He’s a rebel without a Claus

If iron man and the silver surfer team up, they’ll be alloys

It’s better to have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

A guy just threw milk at me… How dairy?!

Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser?
He got the sack

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain

I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

What’s the worst thing about ancient history class?
The teachers tend to Babylon

‘I hate tacos’ said no Juan ever

What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.