I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is”

Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser?
He got the sack

I wanted to watch the world origami championship on TV but it was only on paper view.

A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, “Five beers please.”

Did you know that Snoop Dogg’s sister is a stripper?
She wears nothing but a g-string baby

NSA Pickup Line #2:
I know exactly where you have been all my life

When a woman says “what!?” it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s just giving you a chance to change what you said

What part of your body likes to get frisky?
The naked eye

Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.

For a period, Houdini used a trap door in every single show he did…I guess you could say it was a stage he was going through

Why is life in North Korea so hard? Because North Korea lost its Seoul.

My wife left me because I sold her wheelchair. I knew she’d come crawling back

I made a graph of my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

What kind of train eats a lot?
A chew chew train

I am frustrated than a dragon trying to blow out candles.

I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died…
Which was lucky, because he trod on a landmine.

My budgie broke his leg so I made him a tiny splint out of a couple of matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk.

The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.