Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.

Just got sacked from my job as a dishwasher. I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order. The boss reckons I am dishlexic.

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

My wife said “Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen.”
So I returned with 12 loaves of bread

Conjunctivitis.com: a site for sore eyes

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

‘I hate tacos’ said no Juan ever

What do you call an artist with a brown finger? Picassole

This weight loss website wants me to accept cookies. Hmm…

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t.

I thought I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagine asian

I may not be getting lucky tonight, but I’m definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.

Where does seaweed look for a job?
in the kelp-wanted ads

Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar

One day you’re the next best thing to sliced bread.
The next, you’re toast.

My boss told me I intimidate my coworkers so I just stared at him until he apologised

Care to seduce a large woman?
Piece of cake!