#93

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that’s a sweet ass!!

#599

There are so many scams on the Internet these days…. but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.

#397

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “thank you”

I said “Don’t mention it”

#220

My mate had a terrible accident a while ago. He fell into an Upholstering Machine.

He’s fully recovered now though.

#751

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

#708

What did the blanket say as it fell of the bed?
Oh sheet

#621

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran

#230

Got a new job as a hostage negotiator. Tried to ring in sick but they talked me out of it.

#900

I was walking my dog through the cemetery when I saw a guy crouching behind a gravestone.
I said “Morningโ€. He said, “No, just having a sh**”.

#703

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?
Art

#386

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s time consuming

#115

There’s a new shaver designed for dyslexics.
It’s the best thing since sliced beard.

#201

A bear walked into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer……and some of those peanuts.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?”

#550

What do you call a sketchy Italian neighbourhood?
A Spaghetto

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