#761

What do you call a mind reader who can’t read minds? A telepathetic.

#415

I went to a busy pub last night dressed as a tennis ball.
I got served straight away.

#13

My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

#806

Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser?
He got the sack

#658

I may not be getting lucky tonight, but I’m definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.

#337

If iron man and the silver surfer team up, they’ll be alloys

#893

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents

#216

Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors it would be called chicken sedan.

#255

Why don’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe

#703

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?
Art

#363

What part of your body likes to get frisky?
The naked eye

#29

The first rule of Alzheimer’s club, is don’t talk about chess club

#258

What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire? Bernadette

#874

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it

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