What do you call a mind reader who can’t read minds? A telepathetic.


I went to a busy pub last night dressed as a tennis ball.
I got served straight away.


My son wanted to know what it’s like to be married. I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.


Did you hear about the short-sighted circumciser?
He got the sack


I may not be getting lucky tonight, but I’m definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.


If iron man and the silver surfer team up, they’ll be alloys


How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents


Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors it would be called chicken sedan.


Why don’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe


What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall?


What part of your body likes to get frisky?
The naked eye


The first rule of Alzheimer’s club, is don’t talk about chess club


What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire? Bernadette


I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it

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