I have a stepladder. Because my real ladder left when I was a kid

Where do fish work? The offish.

I’ve just finished reading a book called “How To Give Constructive Criticism.”
It was rubbish.

Got a universal remote for Father’s Day.
This changes everything!

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

Two soldiers are in a tank.
One looks at the other and says “BLUBLUBBLUBLUBBLUB”

Cinderella got kicked off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever thought about your X and wondered Y?

What do you call someone who sells their body for a bowl of spaghetti? A pastatute!

If pronouncing my b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian, then soviet.

I did a theatrical performance on puns.
It was a play on words.

How was Rome split in two?
With a pair of Caesars

Our cat coughed up furballs all over the carpet. I wouldn’t mind but Furballs was our hamster.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

So this bloke just came up to me & said i’ve just spilt my scrabble set on the road. I asked “Whats the word on the street?”

They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for!