Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

What do you call a wandering caveman? A meanderthal.

Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory? It was a real tragedy, 100 soles were lost.

I called the vet to complain about a bill. He just put the phone down. As quickly and humanely as possible.

How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.

Why does the alcoholic Avon lady walk funny? Because her lips stick.

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler

Did you hear about the houses falling in love? It was a lawn-distance relationship.

What does Kim Kardashian use to fix holes?

Sex tape

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.

When you swim in a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that’s a moray.

I’m not lazy… I’m just on my energy saving mode.

This guy just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of his penis. Definitely won’t be shagging one of those again

When clowns divorce there’s often a custardy battle

“Your finest Scotch, please.” “Yes, sir,” the guy at Officeworks says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.

My ex-girlfriend still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the toilet? Because it has a silent p

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium got together and I was like… “OMg”