I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.

Heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu – you get what you deserve

Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? Because he was a fungi.

White boards are remarkable

Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?

Blonde: “What does IDK mean?”

Brunette: “I don’t know.”

Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”

The only dates I get these days are software updates

Who is the best king fu vegetable?
Brocc Lee

Yeah I’m into fitness… Fitness pizza in my mouth!

What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish

When clowns divorce there’s often a custardy battle

Pick up line: “Are you a beaver because damn!”

What part of your body likes to get frisky?
The naked eye

Do not argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Withers.

I asked my wife for “something Cuban” for my birthday, and she got me a Che Guevara shirt.

Clothes, but no cigar.

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Did you know I was bilingual? Yeah I speak English and profanity

The best way to carve wood is whittle by whittle