I’m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I’m outstanding.

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

I wasn’t happy with my sons school report. He said okay. I said I want more A’s. He said okaaaaaaaay

What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

What’s the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse

I thought I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagine asian

I went to a busy pub last night dressed as a tennis ball.
I got served straight away.

Someone told me my clothes looked gay..
They did come out of the closet this morning.

My jokes are still in alpha

Hopefully soon they’ll get beta

Two bars walk into a man, LSD is powerful stuff

I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house.

How do you get down from an elephant?
You don’t. You get down from a goose

Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.
One yells to the other, ‘How do you get to the other side?’
The other blonde replies, ‘You are on the other side!’

Frankly, auto correct, I’m getting tired of your shirt.

If a stranger offers you a piece of candy…take two.

Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?

How Long is a Chinese man’s name.

No, it actually is.

I don’t know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.