What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.

A Chinese kid was born before the due date.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.

37 consonants, 25 vowels, a question mark, and a comma went to court.
They will be sentenced next Friday.

Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

Counting in binary is as easy as 01 10 11

What do you call a gay milkman? A Dairy Queen

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

He’s street smart. Sesame Street smart.

What do you call a lady with one leg?
Eileen

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

I thought I understood the meaning of “When Pigs Fly” but then… the swine flu.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is”

Did you hear about the theme park ride made entirely out of iron?
It was a ferrous wheel

Wanna hear a potassium joke?
K

Best Summer Vacation Book Never Written: “Where to Stay on Vacation” by Moe Tell.

Tennis players grunt too much when they play.
There’s no need for all that racquet