My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.

Several guys are sitting around having a drink and one guy says “My wife’s an angel” another guy says “Your lucky, mines still alive.”

If iron man and the silver surfer team up, they’ll be alloys

Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

I was thinking about getting a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind

If you could rehydrate those raisins, that’d be grapes.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision

I can just see it now.

What do you call a bee with a low buzz?
A mumblebee

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying

Which dinosaur knew the most words?
The thesaurus.

I stayed up all night to find out where the sun went, then it dawned on me…

What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!

I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the other day. She was a bouncer.

If a blind woman tells you your penis is big, she’s probably just pulling your leg

I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs.

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving