How many south Americans does it take to change a light bulb? A Brazilian

A Spanish magician wanted to do a trick. He covered himself with a blanket and counted “Uno… dos…” and he vanished without a tres

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped his bum.

When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night. She nearly took my eye out.

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

Do you know why i make puns?
its my respunsibility.

What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste

I’m close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet, I don’t know y

What do you call a woman with a toothpick up her butt?
Olive

What religion are baby cows? Calf-lic.

I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

What is invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.