#627

Smoking will give you cancer.
Eating bacon will you give you cancer.
But for some reason, smoking bacon will cure it.

#704

Have you heard about the cannibal that passed his brother in the forest?

#874

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it

#816

What’s the least spoken language in the world?
Sign language

#568

What do you call someone who sells their body for a bowl of spaghetti? A pastatute!

#9

How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool

#59

The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common

#339

At any given moment the urge to sing, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away. A whim away. A whim away.

#889

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is”

#604

I quit my job at the helium gas factory, I refuse to be talked to in that tone of voice!

#76

When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

#301

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway)

#710

I really hate those people who knock at your door and tell you how you need to be ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’
Stupid firemen.

#527

Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines.

#161

What do you call an artist with a brown finger? Picassole

Back to top