#491

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.

#129

My ex-wife is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me. I want to say hello but there’s just too much history between us.

#207

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

#75

I saw a bishop the other day. Wondered why he wasn’t walking diagonally

#889

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying โ€œOoh, I love how smooth it isโ€

#395

Deja Moo – the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before

#30

I was addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around

#633

For a short while, my uncle was a world famous chainsaw juggler. But not for being good at it. I miss uncle Stump.

#347

My wife says I’m immature. I told her to get out of my fort

#634

I imagine a handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.

#162

I dreamt I wrote the Hobbit the other night. I think I was Tolkien in my sleep.

#872

What did the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here Iโ€™m going on a head

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