I hate gravity, it always gets me down

Yeah, it was on Fry Day, I can’t believe they got killed for the halibut. No motive, someone should seas the culprit. I’m crabby bout it all

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”

They should make a Minecraft movie, it would be a blockbuster!

I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper’s jammin’ again.

i thought i got a type a in blood test but it was actually a typ-o

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB

Where did Mary go after the explosion?
Everywhere

I mean – I appreciate that my friends are doing their best to cheer me up after my diagnosis, but I’ve heard so many cancer jokes today – if I get to hear just tumor I’ll really get mad.

What’s Michael Jackson’s favourite painting?
Sha-Mona Lisa

It’s better to have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart

Let’s hope the new Jurassic world movie isn’t a train Rex of a film.

I’m going on a blind date tonight. I hope our Labradors get on.

One day you’re the next best thing to sliced bread.
The next, you’re toast.

My neighbour is a stripper and a coeliac which is tough because she can only jump out of certain cakes.

I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. She couldn’t believe it when I rode pasta.

Counting in binary is as easy as 01 10 11