I’m trying to write jokes about unemployed people, but they need more work

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and its cold

I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free

I can cut down a tree just by looking at it. It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes

What do you call a woman with a toothpick up her butt?
Olive

Shouldn’t pregnant women be called body builders?

Times New Roman walks into a bar. The barman says “Get out of here! We don’t serve your type.”

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience

What do you call a gay milkman? A Dairy Queen

I’ve bought my son a huge wooden horse for Christmas.

I got it from ‘Troys R Us.’

What did the bra say to the hat?
You go on a head I’m gonna give these two a lift

I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.

I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment. It’s a whisk I was willing to take.

Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.

Someone says to his friend: “I bought a cat” And the other: “You have to be kitten me!”

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, “The highballs are on me.”

NSA Pickup Line #1:
Did you fall from heaven?
Because there’s no tracking data on how you arrived at this location